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6. Push into the Storm _ Chet Bailey


 

What do you do when your dying wife tells you to leave her to go and live your life?

Today we had the immense pleasure of sitting down with Chet Bailey to discuss his 25 year journey with his late wife Debi. Only 1 year into marriage Debi was diagnosed with a fatal disease that slowly stripped away the lives they had hoped for. But two indomitable spirits bound by love, and an undying commitment to one another transform this tragic story into one filled with encouragement and hope.

In honor of Debi who lived by the motto “Always Hope, Never Give Up, Live Life.”

Highlights:

  • Simple truth: life is hard.

  • Work to focus on what matters.

  • Do not try to do it alone.

  • Push into the hard things .

  • Be honest with yourself.

  • When in despair, build.

  • Choose to live.

  • Your struggles are your own.

  • Helping someone in crisis.

Chet continues to love and honor the memory of Debi as he embraces her motto to “Live Life”. He is founding an outreach program in Brazil to support the climb from poverty through training entrepreneurship and computer skills. This effort is a work in progress, but if you would like to learn more go to chetbailey.com . Chet has named the program “Debi’s Hope”. Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT!

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08;06;40;02 - 08;06;30;00

Speaker 1

Good morning, welcome to another episode of The Grit Theory. I'm Aaron Robinson. I'm here with Jon Mayo. Hello. And our guests today, Chet Bailey. Welcome.


08;06;29;19 - 08;06;28;22

Speaker 2

Oh, thank you.


08;06;28;15 - 08;06;10;00

Speaker 1

Chet Bailey and I have been friends for. I can't remember how many years got to be five plus years and as a as a story of grit that I have been impressed with ever since I met him because I knew him before, kind of when he was on the journey and as he went through even more difficult


08;06;10;00 - 08;05;51;18

Speaker 1

parts of the journey. So you asked him to come in today and get gritty about something that may. I think I think there may be some opinions on this one today as far as what somebody would do when they hear your story, what they with personal decisions they they would make.


08;05;51;18 - 08;05;32;08

Speaker 1

But before we get into all that shit, we're going to, we're going to. We will have a great about podcast today, just talking about that story again, as we do mining those nuggets as we do. And then eventually we'll land that plane and hopefully we'll just like have this incredible moment of clarity about it always.


08;05;32;08 - 08;05;26;15

Speaker 1

And we'll go on and soldier on. That's that's the goal. I know Jon's looking at me suspiciously.


08;05;26;01 - 08;05;17;18

Speaker 3

No, you're right. Yeah, I think I'm good. You know, there's the three bombs right now. We're getting warmed up. Yeah. Then we'll probably hand it to you in some pretty package.


08;05;17;05 - 08;05;10;22

Speaker 1

Yeah. And Jon, we're of course we're. We're here in this studio under interesting circumstances.


08;05;10;21 - 08;04;59;25

Speaker 3

Like what's wrong with us today? So it is pretty sudden it's a Wednesday morning when we're recording this, you know, it's dark out. Well, now it's starting to be light and snow is blowing in both. You gentlemen still made it.


08;04;58;20 - 08;04;55;24

Speaker 3

So thank you for your testimony. Great space. That's fine.


08;04;55;15 - 08;04;45;10

Speaker 2

You have to give Heron a hard time about the directions he gave me. It's a house with all the trees around it, but it's completely dark and it.


08;04;44;27 - 08;04;42;24

Speaker 1

Was completely dark. Sorry about that.


08;04;42;07 - 08;04;40;11

Speaker 2

And the snow blowing, too. So it's like.


08;04;37;20 - 08;04;25;27

Speaker 1

I always, always love coming to the ranch. I like to call it out because it's like it's this is come to this location. There'll be a gate. A man will walk out in the dark of night and open, said Gate.


08;04;25;18 - 08;04;22;17

Speaker 1

You'll drive in and there will be an experience on the other side of the.


08;04;22;17 - 08;04;21;08

Speaker 3

Road after the gate closes.


08;04;16;28 - 08;04;10;28

Speaker 1

We're so glad you could be here today, said, How are you doing? Are you and you awake with this? And we asked you to come in early today?


08;04;10;14 - 08;04;04;13

Speaker 2

Thank you. Yes, it's interesting to see to see this time from this side.


08;04;03;28 - 08;04;03;13

Speaker 1

Yes.


08;04;03;13 - 08;03;55;10

Speaker 2

Usually I'm from the other side. When I've seen it, I'm going to bed and getting out of bed.


08;03;55;07 - 08;03;41;20

Speaker 1

That's right. Yeah, most people do their best work at 6:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. That's fair. Yeah. So how's Jon doing today? Doing well. Yeah, I just go to the gym ourselves. So do we want a quick smoker?


08;03;41;19 - 08;03;31;07

Speaker 3

Yeah. Quit smoking real fast and try to get some sleep before the snow. That way, we can make sure we're awake for you. And now we're here. And I know I'm feeling pretty good from from what I understand the story.


08;03;30;25 - 08;03;12;25

Speaker 3

I think that regardless of if people would make the same decisions you did, it's an encouragement. Testimony is like it's an encouragement to it's a testament to staying the course right and not blowing with the wind left and right, left and right and difficult and things like that.


08;03;12;25 - 08;03;02;11

Speaker 3

So I'm really excited to to jump in, frankly and get to hear more about this and and learn about it. So yeah, thanks for coming in and I'm excited about it.


08;03;02;01 - 08;03;01;11

Speaker 2

Thanks for having me.


08;03;01;10 - 08;02;47;11

Speaker 1

So Chet, like any friend, I'm probably going to get some of the facts wrong. I'm trying to tell your story. That's why you're here to fact check me with your story before. It's awesome to just a little backdrop.


08;02;47;11 - 08;02;24;23

Speaker 1

And again, fact check me here. But when I met Chet over many years ago, married to a wonderful woman named Debbie and Chet has always had a softness of kindness about him, which intrigues me like when somebody seems to be authentic and whether whether authentic, being a crazy person or being just a humble or like like a


08;02;24;23 - 08;02;12;09

Speaker 1

softer person, I've decided that you're the kind of person like, I'm not. I don't feel like intimidated around you. You have a sense like you could tell you genuinely want to be in front of the person you're in front of.


08;02;11;12 - 08;01;58;26

Speaker 1

But when I look into your eyes and talk to you, it seems like that's been trained like you've been even kind of living there for a long time. That's really who you are. It's not something you're just acting like.


08;01;57;21 - 08;01;40;13

Speaker 1

And then you start telling your story. And so what the listeners may, may or may not know is they now use that Debbie had a disability, which caused her really to heavily depends on who you've been married at this time for many years.


08;01;40;13 - 08;01;39;13

Speaker 1

So you go ahead.


08;01;38;27 - 08;01;07;06

Speaker 2

Yeah. So yeah, he Adobe had a rare disease called mitochondrial myopathy that caused severe muscle weakness, progressive muscle weakness, as well as, you know, problems neurologically with severe headaches and strokes and things like that. So we went to, you know, she was ill for over 20 years.


08;01;06;24 - 08;01;00;22

Speaker 2

And so we walked through that journey for a lot longer than the doctors expected us to.


08;01;00;12 - 08;00;58;14

Speaker 1

When we when we met, how many.


08;00;58;14 - 08;00;46;17

Speaker 2

Years have you been married? So. So, yeah, we've probably been married. 17 years at that time. So you and.


08;00;46;17 - 08;00;43;03

Speaker 1

But when you married Debbie, she did not have this.


08;00;42;16 - 08;00;20;21

Speaker 2

She says she had it right. She did not have this. She had actually, when we first started dating, she told me that she has a tumor when she was a child. And so to expect there to be some, yes and some issues and in fact, they had told her at that time not to expect to survive to


08;00;20;21 - 08;00;16;28

Speaker 2

be 30 years because of all that she had gone through.


08;00;16;09 - 08;00;13;13

Speaker 1

So you knew this Great Barrier?


08;00;13;07 - 09;59;50;21

Speaker 2

Correct. Wow. So, you know, we really had a discussion. You know, she is like you. I don't know what's going to happen. There's a very good chance that you will have the disease and leukemia will come back or brain tumors and things like that, you know, and just to understand who she was, she had leukemia back in


09;59;50;21 - 09;59;34;20

Speaker 2

the late seventies when they were just starting to be able to to do some amount of treatment for it. So it's nothing like if you have it today. And so I didn't notice much simpler back then right.


09;59;33;10 - 09;59;16;10

Speaker 1

Away just before you continue. Why did you decide to? I mean, that's a big deal. You're getting sort of, you know, be crass, there's a damaged goods, right? That's not a deal situation to go into a marriage, but you you decided to do so anyway was.


09;59;16;09 - 09;59;02;13

Speaker 2

A new idea. As we had that discussion, I said, Well, your heart disease runs in my family. I have high blood pressure already in high school and I had high blood pressure and I'm like, I don't know what's going to happen to me either.


09;59;02;12 - 09;58;52;24

Speaker 2

So we all have whatever amount of going this and we'll just do with it, you know, help her whatever we have.


09;58;52;12 - 09;58;51;05

Speaker 3

But just venture together.


09;58;50;20 - 09;58;50;12

Speaker 2

That's it.


09;58;50;07 - 09;58;48;08

Speaker 1

You put yourself in the same kind of situations.


09;58;48;08 - 09;58;47;02

Speaker 2

Like day.


09;58;45;23 - 09;58;42;23

Speaker 1

As a great. This is good. Simply put.


09;58;42;06 - 09;58;36;14

Speaker 2

In, I mean, we are none of us know what we're going to have. Yes, sir.


09;58;36;05 - 09;58;34;28

Speaker 1

So you take.


09;58;34;27 - 09;58;34;02

Speaker 2

It one day at a time.


09;58;33;19 - 09;58;30;17

Speaker 1

The statistics on a death are pretty.


09;58;30;13 - 09;58;24;19

Speaker 2

That's what I was sure that we will all die.


09;58;24;18 - 09;58;08;24

Speaker 3

So here you are. You get married. You know that there's history. You're like, whatever you want to be with you. Let's adventure together right into you guys. Continue being married. And then obviously, I think this stuff develops a while after being married.


09;58;08;24 - 09;57;51;27

Speaker 3

So it's the hypothetical going in. There's hypothetical concerns that could realize themselves. And then life happened. They did realize themselves, which is where I think you were in some context. Continuing your story. Is that fair? Correct. Cool.


09;57;51;16 - 09;57;33;02

Speaker 2

I said so. Yeah. And then after she we were married about a year, know we dated a couple of years and then we got married. And we were married about a year in when she went into the hospital with her for the first time.


09;57;32;26 - 09;57;10;11

Speaker 2

And really, you know, after that, you know, she just is not able to, you know, she had to drop out of the. School, she's working on her master's degree. She couldn't do that anymore, and things just really started going downhill at that point.


09;57;09;19 - 09;57;01;06

Speaker 1

And where was your head in all that? I mean, because, you know, talking to you, you guys had an active lifestyle. You could.


09;57;00;22 - 09;56;36;05

Speaker 2

Not you? I mean, prior to that, you know, we would go and play golf very regularly. She loved golf, tennis. Neither of us were extremely athletic, but we still got out and we can say golf and tennis. And you know, it was a slow progression, but recently lost those things.


09;56;35;02 - 09;56;07;22

Speaker 2

She was in a year or so. She can no longer play golf anymore. You know, we did. We were able to do hikes for a little while, but it's just, you know, slowly losing different things with, you know, being able to drive the, you know, mentally to be in a wheelchair, all those things, you know?


09;56;07;13 - 09;55;50;01

Speaker 2

And yeah, it's a tough. And it's it's really tough watching someone you love going through that. And then the other thing that I always remembered is as tough as it was for me, she was actually loving it. She was the one that was actually using those things.


09;55;47;28 - 09;55;41;19

Speaker 2

And so if she had the strength to be able to do that, there is no reason I couldn't.


09;55;40;28 - 09;55;34;03

Speaker 1

Wow. So you didn't think of it. Your mindset was that something's been taken from me. Your mindset was this has.


09;55;34;03 - 09;55;32;19

Speaker 2

Been taken from her, right?


09;55;32;00 - 09;55;24;09

Speaker 1

And you had compassion for that situation. Right. It's a little different than, I think, the normal knee-jerk reaction. Well, the guy? Yeah.


09;55;23;27 - 09;55;07;12

Speaker 3

I don't I don't agree with that. I think that is just different from the reaction of a person, first of all. Right. But what I love about it is so this started the discovery discovering the degradation of capability started a year into being married.


09;55;07;00 - 09;54;45;08

Speaker 3

Is that right? OK, so it's not like you've been married 15 years. There's this huge, broad foundation you guys made the commitment a year in your lifestyle is dramatically changing. Right? And then it comes to, look, we're starting to get into your mindset on what's going on because the story is hard and tragic enough.


09;54;45;07 - 09;54;28;11

Speaker 3

But like your experience with it, we just got the first glimpse, I think. And that's where you said, Yeah, one of the things I did remind myself, as I imagine a time of frustration, maybe or when you were discouraged, is that this is hard for me to have our life shifted to watch my wife go through this


09;54;27;17 - 09;54;24;09

Speaker 3

. She's the one living it. So what do I have to complain about?


09;54;24;09 - 09;54;22;05

Speaker 2

A considerable support in love? Right?


09;54;21;06 - 09;54;14;29

Speaker 3

When did did that come naturally to you? Or did you have to develop that over the years of caring for and walking through this with her?


09;54;11;11 - 09;53;38;12

Speaker 2

It definitely was a progression, in my view, as well. I mean, I. You know, really. The first year of our marriage, how to really study what is wrong and meditated on that in. You know, that kind of humans carried a basis of if I hadn't done that, I don't know what I would've been able to walk that


09;53;37;26 - 09;53;04;00

Speaker 2

path, but it was still a very difficult journey even 1015 years down the road and it was still continuously. Going back to, you know, what is love in bed in and what we're going through right now at this point in the end, you know, if we have gone through, you know, if what we went through 15 years


09;53;04;00 - 09;52;59;05

Speaker 2

later is what we went through on day one, I would not have made it.


09;52;57;03 - 09;52;43;01

Speaker 1

I had it in in Israel. I was talking about this sort of reactionary kind of standpoint, you know, because like now, Jon, like the extreme example of this, that and I think everyone would agree this is like crazy.


09;52;43;01 - 09;52;30;16

Speaker 1

But the story was told to me because my wife that had premarital counseling and that and we were coach, she said, What about this? This is why did you guys get married? And we listed all these things and it was amazing how selfish all this was.


09;52;30;08 - 09;52;17;25

Speaker 1

You know, everything was like all these things the person does for me. You know, she makes me happy or she's pretty. I think, you know, I like being around her, those kind of things. It's very pretty me centric, right?


09;52;17;22 - 09;51;58;08

Speaker 1

Right. And he tells the story, OK, here's a story. This is a list of this couple. They they they when they in, they're dating, they were very active there. In fact, they were like world class skiers and ski all the time as much as they could until and then they got married under this pretense.


09;51;58;08 - 09;51;38;04

Speaker 1

And then eventually there was a day when she got hurt when she got paralyzed from the hips down, ending her skiing career. The very next move for the husband was he packed up all her ski gear and all her stuff and drove her to her dad's house and dropped her off and said, I am.


09;51;37;29 - 09;51;24;11

Speaker 1

I no longer have any use for her. That was it. I heard this and was like, That's that's horrible. And then he challenged me and said, What if something is taken from your relationship that you really think is a primary inside the relationship?


09;51;24;11 - 09;51;16;06

Speaker 1

Would you do the same thing? It really challenged love. Like what is love? And then you can speak to that. What is love?


09;51;15;21 - 09;50;49;03

Speaker 2

I mean, you know, first of all, you know, I you know, I think anyone preparing to marry really needs to go through those tough discussions of what really is important to me and how, you know. And why am I really, you know, committing to this lifelong relationship and that love?


09;50;48;24 - 09;50;26;15

Speaker 2

You know, it's desiring the best for someone else, you know? And that's like, that's where where I come from. And the belief of love is is just trying to do what I can do to help someone else. And that's.


09;50;24;28 - 09;50;04;18

Speaker 2

But we both went into marriage with that same attitude of this is, you know, we're we're supporting each other now. And there is, you know, with all her disabilities, she still did support me a lot of ways too.


09;50;04;01 - 09;49;42;19

Speaker 2

So I mean, it was not just the one way I know I'm getting everything now, but it's a. And you know, again, it's it's a commitment know it's in and it's not about it shouldn't be about what am I going to get out of this?


09;49;42;05 - 09;49;11;22

Speaker 2

What can I give to myself? So it's, you know, it's very important to have those types of discussions and it really think about it and then also deal with that story. You know, I used to really piss me off when I hear something like that and you walk away that, you know, quite a few people, often women


09;49;11;22 - 09;48;53;05

Speaker 2

, but sometimes they respond to that. You got sick and there are thousands of them, and I've been with some kids, too. And it was very tough to see that. But I also saw the flip side of that. We had one of our caregiving groups.


09;48;53;04 - 09;48;30;23

Speaker 2

I had a young girl. She was 16. She's supposed to be living, you know, preparing for college and doing all the high school stuff from and beating her. But she was caring for her mom and her dad. And it was her.


09;48;30;22 - 09;48;04;17

Speaker 2

Her mom had a very severe form of multiple sclerosis. And she and her dad, her dad, actually was an alcoholic. And there was. That he had she said that she wished that when her mom was getting sick, that he would not have stuck around because he just made it worse.


09;48;03;23 - 09;47;42;03

Speaker 2

Right? You know, it wasn't, you know? And so, you know, that kind of. Show me that there are there are times when so when there's no service, to be honest with themselves, can I do this in? And it's important to if you, to be honest with yourself and to, I cannot do this on my own and seek


09;47;42;03 - 09;47;22;22

Speaker 2

out now. And and and likewise, if someone you know is going through something, you know. See what you can do to help them out. But but it is important to be honest with what is my, you know, what can I actually handle?


09;47;22;15 - 09;47;13;16

Speaker 2

And sometimes it is a tough situation to say I am not going to be able to handle this. And you know, it's going to be best for me to walk away.


09;47;13;08 - 09;46;58;29

Speaker 3

Do you mind quick? There's three bombshells in the last few minutes. We're like huge mountains. I just want to highlight the case that was there's a lot. So first, your definition of love, I think, is a mature definition of love.


09;46;58;11 - 09;46;52;23

Speaker 3

It's not what we see in pop culture on social media. It's that's not it.


09;46;51;23 - 09;46;48;20

Speaker 1

I don't think I've seen that movie. Yeah. Well.


09;46;47;28 - 09;46;26;15

Speaker 3

Just on the joke. Yes, you're absolutely right. It was defined as wanting and working for the best for the person you love, right? It reminded me when I was listening to you, said if you want a relationship to work, it doesn't take 50 50% effort on each side.


09;46;25;27 - 09;46;11;28

Speaker 3

It takes 110% effort from each person to make that relationship work. Why? Because it takes that desire for the best of the person that you love and then for the relationship that you're building to do. So that was really cool in this moment in that.


09;46;11;15 - 09;45;50;25

Speaker 3

And then the second thing was when you shared your frustration, you'd see people. Non-committal, we leave a hard circumstance because it gets harder because of something. Definitely seems like you especially have a right to that anger. And I think it's OK to call out and challenge people on leaving their commitments.


09;45;50;15 - 09;45;36;26

Speaker 3

Absolutely. But what I really appreciate is not just the courage to say, yeah, it's wrong to leave your commitments, right, but hey, it's not just black and white, right? But you kind of brought it to this whole circle.


09;45;35;19 - 09;45;19;05

Speaker 3

Default value is probably baseline wrong and disgusting that you lost your period. But then I saw this like the flash of energy kind of leave your eyes and then you can sit in there for a second. And as you kept speaking, you walked into.


09;45;18;01 - 09;45;02;25

Speaker 3

But you need to be honest with yourself because this is bloody hard and it will inspire passion. But you can make it worse if you stay in the situation, but start becoming more selfish in the situation, or if you don't realize what you can or can't handle.


09;45;02;18 - 09;44;47;16

Speaker 3

So one, equip yourself with people to strengthen you and to be honest with yourself, because looking at the the young woman who is caring for her mother and the father was drunk. He stuck around, but he did. He his body was there.


09;44;46;27 - 09;44;28;26

Speaker 3

But did he actually commit? Or did he start pursuing a so-called escape into the Bible? Great point. You know, and that's where I just love and really wanted to put that spotlight of what you're talking about here is what sounds like painfully earned temperance and self assessment of what can you do, what can't you do and how


09;44;28;26 - 09;44;27;13

Speaker 3

is going to play out right?


09;44;26;29 - 09;44;10;07

Speaker 1

Difficulty is is absolutely going to happen, right? It's like to try to have a disdain for difficulty is a lesson in madness. You know, it's it's going to happen. The difficulty difficult that the differences is how we how we respond to difficulty.


09;44;09;25 - 09;43;53;00

Speaker 1

It's like, this is your difficult story. And I also I also want to know to that. I love that we're talking about like a relational thing, because when we talk about grit, it's so often this sort of like over masculinity, like very it's all about like a strength thing.


09;43;53;00 - 09;43;30;13

Speaker 1

You're just soldiering on. You're getting through. Sometimes it's just like, like emotional struggle, like this is really hard or or even a selfish internal struggle that I'm dealing with, right? Or or even, you know, from the love standpoint, I don't feel like I'm enough to even handle the situation or carry it like I want to not even


09;43;30;13 - 09;43;27;11

Speaker 1

know how to do it. And you're trying to find a way.


09;43;27;11 - 09;43;10;13

Speaker 2

To do it right? Yeah. And and and I don't always sound like I did not go through those troubles either, because there are times where I was at the end of my rope and I just cannot do this thing.


09;43;10;02 - 09;42;44;20

Speaker 2

And, you know, I just want to start over. I want to walk away is over and you know, and there are, you know, and and when I eventually found out and that is, I need to start trying to do it all on my own and realize that there there is.


09;42;43;08 - 09;42;16;15

Speaker 2

Support out there to help and to allow people to help. Sometimes I would, you know, how to get into trying to do it all on my own and and you know, someone would say, Well, this may not be a Canadian thing, which I really, you know, a lot of times that does come off as very, you know


09;42;15;25 - 09;42;04;26

Speaker 2

, let me know if you're, you know, if you ever need anything but I, you know. You know, don't we don't know what to think too much.


09;42;03;21 - 09;41;50;18

Speaker 1

So some of the well-meaning friends we all have, right, you know? Yeah, just call me when you mean I rarely call my friends in the middle of the night to be around a little bit.


09;41;50;11 - 09;41;33;19

Speaker 2

And you know, from that side, it's it's harder to to if you when you see something, say, this is what I can do to help you out with this instead of just saying yes to wide open. We all mean, you know, we really do.


09;41;33;19 - 09;41;20;10

Speaker 2

You mean? You know, honestly, call me when you need something, but when you're in the middle of it, you're just pushing through and you don't even stop to think, Oh yeah, someone, you know, Aaron could help me out with this.


09;41;19;19 - 09;41;07;12

Speaker 2

But you know, parenting is, you know, checking and checking in and you can say, you know, OK, you've got a pile of dishes there while I come over to help you clean those, you know?


09;41;06;26 - 09;41;05;18

Speaker 1

But I'm not a psychologist.


09;41;05;02 - 09;41;03;28

Speaker 2

I can't help you right now.


09;41;03;28 - 09;40;59;20

Speaker 1

The side dishes. Did you help me come on? Well, the around.


09;40;59;12 - 09;40;45;13

Speaker 3

It's so interesting because typically it's just presence. Yeah. And like removing some source, some stressor. Right? So it's like the dishes. We are laughing. But I imagine as a personal no.


09;40;44;24 - 09;40;21;08

Speaker 2

You remember at times of the dishes, but it's also that we are. So it's easy to see all the horrible or difficult things that someone is going through and forget about the fact that there are still, you know, small things that can still help out night that you may not seem like, you know, anything important, but it's


09;40;21;08 - 09;40;05;29

Speaker 2

still, you know, hey, you know, just helping somewhere in some way. So, yeah, you can't you can't fix the fact that she's, you know, not able to walk. You can't fix that, but you can at least help out can.


09;40;05;15 - 09;40;02;14

Speaker 2

And you know what, she's not able to do anymore or.


09;40;02;13 - 09;39;48;21

Speaker 1

Take you out to lunch or, you know, and that's I think that's a simple lets you do the dishes, the moniker. But like, hey, if you get if you see somebody in your life that needs a little help and support, like just look for something, it could be totally menial.


09;39;48;07 - 09;39;41;04

Speaker 1

But in the moment, and we've all received it at some point in our life, I think it's like, wait, that person didn't know how much that meant to.


09;39;41;04 - 09;39;39;29

Speaker 2

Make exactly.


09;39;39;16 - 09;39;27;04

Speaker 3

A really simple one is like if you have a child or something, you immediately get sick. At the beginning, people always offer baby meals. We can perhaps some meals, and you can pretty much take up when you're going through these long struggles.


09;39;26;18 - 09;39;12;13

Speaker 3

Things like that, I imagine, would still be extremely appreciated when the journey continues. Or maybe the frequency is less sustainable. But that's always an easy thing, and I think everyone and everyone I've met needs to eat and appreciates food in some capacity.


09;39;12;12 - 09;39;10;29

Speaker 2

So it's.


09;39;09;04 - 09;38;48;19

Speaker 3

OK. Do you mind if I had a question because you're you're talking about it's not all that right? And obviously, we've been focusing on the hard things right in, and we've come to this point of like, you will very likely feel atrociously if you're not honest with yourself and if you don't get help and you're talking about


09;38;48;18 - 09;38;36;26

Speaker 3

how you've come here with him many times. I say maybe you could juxtapose that for a minute with when you're going through the shit in your life is continuously changing.


09;38;36;26 - 09;38;36;04

Speaker 2

Before your eyes.


09;38;35;16 - 09;38;18;28

Speaker 3

Right and your dreams or hopes maybe of how it was starting or adjusting with that new reality. And you're learning all these hard lessons as you're being beat to a pulp into the end of yourself and finding out what moment, what sparks joy or brought.


09;38;17;22 - 09;38;05;27

Speaker 3

Was there anything that brought joy in your relationship with your wife? Were there positive things still going on or was all just like gritting your teeth, gritting your teeth and going?


09;38;03;22 - 09;37;25;28

Speaker 2

So, yeah, I mean, there was definitely some, you know, claims of actually who mean we won the amazing things about her story is, you know, it was. A close to. You know, 15 years into this struggle that she had been bedridden for about six months, we were getting really wiped out financially.


09;37;25;03 - 09;37;04;17

Speaker 2

And I had started to have to work from home full time to care for her while she was bedridden. And there has been a lot of stress on the on the job. My my immediate manager was very good about giving me the freedom to work from home.


09;37;04;00 - 09;36;42;07

Speaker 2

But most people in the company, most of management did not agree with that. So it was tough. And so, so she said, Well, what can I do to help? Know? one thing is I don't know how much longer this job is going to last, you know, especially if you keep getting sicker, which you're going to.


09;36;41;10 - 09;36;17;09

Speaker 2

There's going to be a point where where I'm not going to be able to do this job. And so we really need to start thinking about what's our own plan. And you know, and at that point, she had been, you know, she was crafting, she did knitting, crochet for instruments and baby blankets and booties and things to


09;36;17;09 - 09;36;00;07

Speaker 2

toss bills. And she was involved in two groups that were doing that. And she said, You know, why don't we look at starting a business and we're, you know, we were looking at how can we save money on the supplies you rest up?


09;36;00;06 - 09;35;42;07

Speaker 2

We said, Well, if we can get this whole sale, we can sell it to anybody else and reduce our costs. And so she said, let's see, you know. And so we actually started a business together and she ran that from her bed for several years.


09;35;40;07 - 09;35;38;14

Speaker 2

And well, you know.


09;35;38;02 - 09;35;37;13

Speaker 1

That's a tough.


09;35;37;13 - 09;35;14;05

Speaker 2

Lady. That's awesome. But that that gave her something also to look to besides her illness and the things it shouldn't do. She found things that she could still do. And, you know, instead of focusing on the things that she was losing, focus on the things that she could do still and could find new ways of doing what


09;35;14;05 - 09;34;52;23

Speaker 2

a great attitude. But yeah, I mean, that's what they do. I just, you know, and I remember sitting down with my various suppliers and talking and we met together with fires. And they said and they were amazed at how well we work together in this business.


09;34;51;26 - 09;34;31;24

Speaker 2

And you know, and then she said that she could really see this, this sparkle in my eyes when you were talking about it. So you know it. So, yeah, I mean, even though we had all this difficulty, we also had things together and support each other.


09;34;30;28 - 09;34;15;00

Speaker 1

That was sitting on a mention. And that's the first. The primary was how your language right now when you're talking about this is when you're talking to her. What are we going to do about this together? Because it was a it's a team thing, right?


09;34;14;26 - 09;34;02;01

Speaker 1

Like, it wasn't just like you going, Oh, this is happening to me. I have to fix this, right? Like, sometimes we can all do this is I OK, I'm going to fix this. I do this all the time in my life.


09;34;01;27 - 09;33;46;27

Speaker 1

My wife will tell you, and it doesn't normally end well. You know, I'm just like, I got, I'm going to call it fine. And this is a very powerful position. I understand I, but you just sort of like to me was, you can see it now you you got down on your knee and look there.


09;33;46;26 - 09;33;38;02

Speaker 1

And I just said, Hey, Bay City, I don't know how long this is going to go to actually figure out how to do this together. And she and she solved it with you, right?


09;33;37;20 - 09;33;26;19

Speaker 3

Well, even better than that, yeah, she discerned your stress if I heard you correctly. Oh yeah. And she called it out. She's like, What can we do to fix this? Because I can see it's probably tearing you up?


09;33;26;05 - 09;33;09;11

Speaker 3

And I want to help write and write in that I think is one. There's three, really, once again, two or three really cool things I want you to share. But one is relationships are never meant to be one directional goes back to 110% both ways and I think the whole concept.


09;33;08;25 - 09;32;59;27

Speaker 3

And if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Getting together implies working together. It's a team.


09;32;59;13 - 09;32;57;27

Speaker 2

It's not just individuals.


09;32;57;04 - 09;32;40;00

Speaker 3

So that's one too. You said, I just think it's freaking awesome. Everything's falling apart. Things are getting harder. Money's drying up. The onus is going to get worse. The job, friends looking scarier by the day. Let's start a business that takes some.


09;32;39;09 - 09;32;20;15

Speaker 3

That takes one audacity to commitment to each other, right, to be like, yeah, this is crazy, yeah, let's do it together. And it's the best we got. So let's run. That's right. And and three, it's awesome because you talked about what you're aiming, right, what you're putting your focus on.


09;32;20;02 - 09;32;07;00

Speaker 3

And I think that's one of the central themes that we've come to. All the conversations will continue to see as we have discussions like this is. Yeah, things get really bad, and if that's what you focus on, it will absolutely destroy you.


09;32;06;16 - 09;31;45;25

Speaker 3

You have to lift your eyes upward. Pick a target and pursue it. And that is what this business became for you guys. It became this collective thing. How much of a relief was it to define something that you could pursue not only alone, but together that wasn't related to a loss of functionality or something?


09;31;45;24 - 09;31;44;12

Speaker 3

That was that a huge relief?


09;31;44;05 - 09;31;25;04

Speaker 2

Oh yeah. I mean, it's something that, you know, I mean, to this day, I still remember, you know, when you know, she was planning the you know, we carry is planning. You know, we eventually did open the store.


09;31;25;02 - 09;30;48;28

Speaker 2

She's planning this just for the design and the fact that it is the. Yeah, they're blaming her, I, you know, as sick as she was in and everything. Having that to focus on into to. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was a huge, huge relief to have something else to look at besides what was going wrong with, you


09;30;48;03 - 09;30;29;22

Speaker 2

know, and having the hope of. Of doing something you know to. You know, to improve our situation in whatever way we could have even having some control over which.


09;30;27;09 - 09;30;07;10

Speaker 3

Would you say? I'm just I understand there's a lesson here that I want to capture from my year for myself. But it sounds like what you discovered when you came to that point was also and even more so for you because the thing you keep referencing the gleam in the energy and joy for her right and how


09;30;07;10 - 09;29;49;02

Speaker 3

much of a relief it must have been for you to see her in that positive state instead of just downcast and downtrodden all the time or whatever question it was? I do think it's a natural reaction. We see someone hurt and it's like, Oh, I'm so sorry, and you know, what can I do to help and all


09;29;49;02 - 09;29;34;10

Speaker 3

this stuff? And like, if it's a if it's something that's not sure, right? Flash event, bad thing. And now you're recovering. If it's something that's ongoing, it almost seems like one of the best things you can do is walk alongside them doing the dishes, things like that.


09;29;34;10 - 09;29;18;11

Speaker 3

But how can you discover? How can you walk with them to the discovery of that item that they can invest in? Right? I don't know of anyone who's laying on the couch somewhere with an illness or injury that wants to just be laying there, moving in the pain.


09;29;17;02 - 09;29;04;10

Speaker 3

You know why? Why try to keep them there and under the guise of helping them, if instead we can come alongside collectively to find something to add value and perspective in difference from laying there?


09;29;03;21 - 09;28;37;05

Speaker 2

Right, exactly. And you know, she had the attitude of someone once asked her, Why don't you? Why don't you just give up? Why do you keep pushing and pushing yourself? And she said, Why don't you just, you know, take a test, come take me know.


09;28;36;25 - 09;28;34;14

Speaker 3

Why don't you just die? She said. What they're saying? Yeah.


09;28;34;08 - 09;28;14;14

Speaker 2

She's like, she said, you know, she said, Well, actually, I am in so much pain that I do ask God every night, but it's not me. She said, I am not going to die before he comes. He said she said as long as I'm here, I'm going to live as best as I can.


09;28;13;25 - 09;28;12;24

Speaker 1

There's the sound bite.


09;28;12;10 - 09;28;11;04

Speaker 3

Well, that's just really powerful.


09;28;11;04 - 09;28;09;11

Speaker 1