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42. Seek Curiousity _ Nicholas Cutsforth Part 2


 

Today we sit down with Nick “Cuts” Cutsforth and have a good old fashioned genuine, intentional conversation.


Highlights include: -Explore how the family unit benefits society first, not society the family. -Have a plan & know the desired end game. -Be adaptable. -Developing Deep Relationships -Don’t forget your history. -Ownership of life choices. -Stick to your moral standing. -Seek wise & hard counsel. -Learn yourself. -Feed the good, temper the bad. -Turtle talk. -Always keep going.


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09;32;42;27 - 09;32;29;15

Jon

Maybe. Yeah. Well, back in episode one, I talked about and we're so far removed now, just spit it out again. There's this idea that we're talking about with relationships, right where grass is always greener on the other side.


09;32;28;17 - 09;32;18;19

Jon

And I want to build on your point of like, it's really important to pick the right people and find the right people to start those relationships with. But then there's the second piece, right? Like, let's say you do.


09;32;18;05 - 09;32;01;27

Jon

You are in relationship with the right person, and that relationship is a shared lawn. There's no greener grass anywhere. You have this shared lawn and you just get fatigued under the price of cultivation. Right? Are they watering it or if they fertilizing it, are you or you both weeding it?


09;32;01;27 - 09;31;44;00

Jon

Are you both tending it and protecting it, nourishing it? And if not, then is it dying because you're growing fatigued or is it dying because of your neglect? Right. And those are all components in it. And I think that it can become very tedious and painful to have to weed that lawn out and to have to tend


09;31;44;00 - 09;31;28;04

Jon

it with the relationship. But there's the two sides of the there's the two sides of the coin, one you need to be very intentional on who your inner circle is going to be. And then two, you have to be even more intentional after the decision's been made to live in community with someone on how you're going to


09;31;27;06 - 09;31;22;27

Jon

grow that relationship and invest in it over time. Mm hmm.


09;31;21;25 - 09;31;04;00

Nick "Cuts"

Absolutely. Because you're right, it's as you go down the road of life, you know, the constant changes, the constant having to readjust. I mean, we we change with time. We aren't stationary creatures. We don't just, Hey, this is who I am.


09;31;04;00 - 09;30;44;03

Nick "Cuts"

This is who I will always be. We have certain characteristics, certain things that we maintain throughout our entire life. You know, our personalities, who we are as people. Some of the things we hold value in. But there's things in circumstances that change how we express those or how those come out and the way in which we present


09;30;44;03 - 09;30;26;05

Nick "Cuts"

them. And so in that you're right, the here's my lawn. And you know, this season of life, it's it's summer. So I got to put a little bit of extra water on there. I got to make sure that good fertilizer out there, that's going to hold that moisture to the ground so the grass doesn't die out, but


09;30;26;05 - 09;30;10;17

Nick "Cuts"

also have to have that communication with the other person about, Hey, hey, don't put too much fertilizer or Hey, I water this morning when you are this afternoon and it becomes a give and take, it's not a 5050, it's it's ebb and flow of a relationship in that regard.


09;30;09;20 - 09;29;49;10

Nick "Cuts"

And over time that but you have to have that constant communication about it because if you're not communicating about what is going on, the grass is going to die out. And over time, if you stop communicating, it only exacerbates that problem gets bigger and bigger and bigger to the point of where even if you are communicating, the


09;29;49;10 - 09;29;28;23

Nick "Cuts"

grass is dead, you have a dirt field and you have to restart over at a different point in time compared to where you were in the beginning. So, yeah, no, I think that you're absolutely right in that tediousness is why it's a labor of love to maintain that relationship, because think of how many times we fail on


09;29;28;23 - 09;29;07;11

Nick "Cuts"

a regular basis. And yet God still is willing to give us those chances and opportunities and still willing to have a relationship with us. And that's the very I mean, that's that's the perfect example of what he's calling us as people to do, because that's that's that's the ultimate example.


09;29;06;11 - 09;28;49;18

Nick "Cuts"

And I get it, there's people out there that will say, oh, you know, that's that's age old proverb that doesn't fit in modern society, but look at where modern society is. We've gotten away from that. We've gone to the individual, you know, individual is is only as good as the individual's going to get.


09;28;48;25 - 09;28;32;18

Nick "Cuts"

As a collective, we can be greater, but nobody wants to to to have those hard conversations and actually communicate and communicate in shared understanding to build a better society. Now I got I'm getting mine, you get yours and we're good.


09;28;32;15 - 09;28;29;00

Nick "Cuts"

We'll call it a day. That's not how things should be good.


09;28;29;00 - 09;28;14;16

Jon

Good luck creating your own ideals like the tragedy of trying to lose the wisdom traditions of our past and learn from them and pull from them and enrich life for them is is a significant loss, right?


09;28;13;22 - 09;27;51;13

Nick "Cuts"

Absolutely. I mean, thousands of years worth of history and in life, and you're sitting now on the backside of it and saying within the past hundred years, we figured out more than thousands of years before us. Yeah, that's that's Idiocracy.


09;27;51;05 - 09;27;47;04

Nick "Cuts"

That's absolute. I can't find the word right now.


09;27;46;29 - 09;27;39;02

Jon

It's lunacy to think that we're smarter than all of our history and that there's not some value we can pull from that legacy. Continue forward.


09;27;39;02 - 09;27;37;16

Nick "Cuts"

With. Right? You know, sure.


09;27;37;15 - 09;27;14;25

Nick "Cuts"

We may be scientifically more advanced. But that that that's about this much versus everything else there needs to be focus on, you know, because sure, science is great in its modern medicine and modern whatever is awesome. But you have thousands of years of other personal relationships and just.


09;27;13;21 - 09;27;12;11

Nick "Cuts"

What arts and theories.


09;27;11;12 - 09;26;52;27

Jon

It's interesting because science is a method, it's a tool, it's a means of like seeking understanding in the world and solving problems and gaining insight. It's not an explanation for how and why we're here. So like to put it in its own box, I think really subjugates it to a lesser version of itself and what it is


09;26;52;27 - 09;26;30;11

Jon

capable of helping us gain understanding and then to take in the open the aperture up and take in all of human experience with what we can learn from the pursuits that we engage with through the scientific method. But I think people get scared of having their ideas shifted up, regardless of what the source of that shifting is


09;26;30;00 - 09;26;26;25

Jon

, and it causes this desire to kind of up or down.


09;26;26;07 - 09;26;24;29

Nick "Cuts"

And yeah.


09;26;24;19 - 09;26;23;26

Nick "Cuts"

Right off.


09;26;23;19 - 09;26;22;11

Nick "Cuts"

And be entrenched.


09;26;21;26 - 09;26;20;24

Jon

And be entrenched.


09;26;18;08 - 09;26;12;28

Nick "Cuts"

Like, there's a great podcast that's talking about entrenching those preconceived infringements.


09;26;12;10 - 09;26;11;28

Nick "Cuts"

Yeah.


09;26;10;28 - 09;25;59;20

Jon

So right. It's actually funny you bring that up because that that series that we do is going to go on a bit of a sabbatical for a. So I'm glad that you you mentioned it. That decision was made this morning, actually.


09;25;59;08 - 09;25;52;25

Jon

So it's not gone. It's just going to have a different frequency and rhythm over the coming future and but.


09;25;52;25 - 09;25;51;19

Lindsey

Still addressing the same issues?


09;25;51;15 - 09;25;30;12

Nick "Cuts"

Correct? Yeah, absolutely. I think I think you have those those nuggets in time and space at pivotal moments. Awesome idea, you know, because I think every week it gets a little intense to try to drum that thought and put real deep thought into some of those things that need that deep, deep thought.


09;25;30;12 - 09;25;14;02

Nick "Cuts"

A week is not, not always the best. I'm speaking from personal experience like my with my masters right now, writing two page papers every two weeks. There's sometimes from like I. I don't have the mental capacity to invest the amount of information required for this.


09;25;13;10 - 09;25;12;09

Nick "Cuts"

Do it because.


09;25;11;16 - 09;25;11;03

Jon

You have.


09;25;11;00 - 09;25;10;20

Lindsey

Time.


09;25;10;17 - 09;25;04;05

Jon

But then the quality changes, right? And that's one of the realizations I had. There's a few variables, but like goodness, it's a it's a lot of.


09;25;04;05 - 09;25;03;24

Nick "Cuts"

Work.


09;25;03;16 - 09;24;46;17

Jon

To formulate and brainstorm with Lindsay for coffee and grit and for great theory episodes once a week. So do to continue expanding that. We're going to say something now to continue expanding that and to add to have more on that on that rhythm.


09;24;46;08 - 09;24;29;19

Jon

It made sense at the start because that's what's comfortable with. But then, you know, after we talked this morning, I was like, This is something that we should. Used when there's something that's really screaming to be shared and to be explored and allowed to have that type of rhythm in life to it.


09;24;29;09 - 09;24;10;10

Jon

So I think they'll be healthier for the entrenched side, you know, allow us a little bit more resources to, you know, just save energy and mental capital to keep doing the stuff that we're doing here. And it's, you know, we're excited too, because even with this show, we're entering a little period where Lynchian are going to be


09;24;10;10 - 09;23;59;04

Jon

looking at what are we wanting to do with it at this point, right? Because we feel like we're at another milestone another fork in the road, if you will. It's OK. Like, how do we want to continue pursuing this?


09;23;58;27 - 09;23;47;04

Jon

And what does that look like and what will the future hold depending on those decisions? And part of that was let's have conversations with people we truly love. Let's just have some good conversations.


09;23;47;04 - 09;23;34;18

Lindsey

With people we've seen throughout their lives. These aren't, you know, like with you, we've known you for a long time and we've watched you grind it out day in, day out, and we've walked through some really big life events together.


09;23;34;10 - 09;23;13;01

Lindsey

But you still have this great, this resiliency to push forward and become better. You've not just stopped and been like, Well, this is it, and this is where I'll stay. So that's kind of we're looking inward into our our circles and really trying to be like, why don't we have these types of people because they're demonstrating what


09;23;13;01 - 09;23;07;03

Lindsey

we want and they're part of our community. And so I think that that's really where we're wanting to go with it, too.


09;23;06;19 - 09;22;50;04

Jon

Yeah, absolutely. It is kind of like a two foot then one. It's like, we need to recharge and have the conversations with the people that have helped create this mentality for us. And to by doing that, we also get to share that mentality as we're figuring out the direction we want to launch from kind of gathering in


09;22;50;04 - 09;22;37;03

Jon

the resources, if you will, on the next stage to become way makers and stuff. So like it, it is really good. And you know, with all that, I did have a question for you that's been kind of floating in my mind to build up the woman.


09;22;37;03 - 09;22;16;05

Jon

Lindsay asked, At what point? There's some. There's some pieces of your life, I hope we talk about. But at what point did you realize that it's up to you to determine the outcome of the type of life you're going to be leading and living, and that it's not on anyone else and that you can't even rely on


09;22;16;05 - 09;22;08;00

Jon

anyone else because ultimately it's yours to take take responsibility of. But when did that realization really begin the hard way?


09;22;07;17 - 09;21;44;02

Nick "Cuts"

I think I think that's always going to be a constant struggle for anybody that you have to take accountability for your own life. And external influences, you know? They are what they are. But you have to take you have to take hold and take the bull by the horns and do it yourself.


09;21;41;02 - 09;21;24;02

Nick "Cuts"

I would say that that really started happening the first kind of wake-up call of like, Hey, I need to I need to actually take a stand for myself and do the right thing. I was with sophomore year of college when everything just kind of went sideways on the home front.


09;21;23;01 - 09;21;05;14

Nick "Cuts"

You know, with my family, things were just not not good. There is just not there's a lot there that was that was happening. My dad lost his job. There was my parents divorced and there were two little ones there.


09;21;04;26 - 09;20;45;05

Nick "Cuts"

My little brother and sister. And realizing that if I didn't change my course in how I interacted with that current situation and prepare myself and get myself to the next step of graduating commissioned, I wouldn't be able to provide.


09;20;43;29 - 09;20;31;03

Nick "Cuts"

You know, a sounding board or a place of safety for the for my brother and sister, that was kind of that initial like, Hey, I can't I can't keep feeding into this, this relationship here because it's at that point in time.


09;20;31;03 - 09;20;09;10

Nick "Cuts"

It was just not not a good place to be. And then I think the next wake-up call was when I was on or when I got ready for deployment and realizing that I had a team, but. I was the one that I was having to prepare and get mentally prepared to go do this thing in Afghanistan, like


09;20;08;20 - 09;19;57;16

Nick "Cuts"

nobody else was going to be able to go and do what I was going to do. Like I couldn't have somebody come and fill my job and because we didn't have the personnel to do it. And at the time.


09;19;55;10 - 09;19;36;11

Nick "Cuts"

You know, my my first marriage was just on the rocks and and there was even on that front of, hey, you know, like, I got to figure this out on my own. And I don't have the, you know, the support at home anymore because that's that ship sailed.


09;19;36;11 - 09;19;23;26

Nick "Cuts"

And I got to figure this out and I had family and friends that I could reach out to. But it was a realization like, I have to do this, you know, nobody else is going to do this. Nobody else is going to come and rescue me.


09;19;23;16 - 09;19;03;15

Nick "Cuts"

This is me and I got to do it. She is so those were the two big wakeup calls, but I think it's a continuing evolution every next step. There's always a moment where it's like you can resource, you can ask people for help, but there comes a point at which it's it's you.


09;19;02;04 - 09;18;51;01

Nick "Cuts"

And now it's me and Lauren, and that's all. That's the only two people we have that nobody else can. We can ask for help, but nobody else is just going to come and rescue us and save the day because that's not.


09;18;49;28 - 09;18;34;14

Nick "Cuts"

That's not how we want our lives to be. We don't want our lives to be dependent in the sense of we have to rely on other people to just take care of ourselves. We can rely on other people to strengthen and speak truth into our lives and to to grow as a community.


09;18;33;07 - 09;18;12;17

Nick "Cuts"

But I don't expect the community to come over, wash my dishes. Take out my trash. Change greens, diapers. You know, things like that that seem so tiny. But our very fundamental and you have to take accountability of how are you going to address the world and address your family relationships?


09;18;10;17 - 09;17;47;05

Nick "Cuts"

So fair. I mean, those are the those are the big moments that kind of eye opening of like I can't rely on others to. Fix my problems, I have to take accountability, I have to stand up, and I have to actually make a way forward for myself and I listen to others plans for my life.


09;17;47;04 - 09;17;45;17

Nick "Cuts"

I have to have plans for my life.


09;17;41;15 - 09;17;27;23

Jon

Did you find? So something I experience with this is that there's a lot of pain leading up to the realization of like, Oh, I'm not bearing up under this weight as much as I should be. Right? And then there's a lot of pain in realizing I have to bear up under that way that I have to take


09;17;27;23 - 09;17;13;16

Jon

that responsibility. But then once I make the choice of I'm owning this, no one's coming in to save me. I'm, you know, it doesn't mean I'm alone, and the only one in the world is doing it, but it means that I've received the support I can get.


09;17;13;16 - 09;16;59;14

Jon

But it's my fight, right? Like if I'm if I'm a boxer in a ring and it's in between rounds and I come over to you, you're going to wake me up, give me a drink, give me some encouragement, give me some coaching to help me figure out what I'm not seeing because I'm in the fight.


09;16;59;04 - 09;16;44;12

Jon

But then when that bell rings again, right? I'm the one going in there. So, yeah. Correct. So like with that, I find, is that there's this immense peace that comes when I wake up. I love how you made this a journey thing.


09;16;44;12 - 09;16;27;26

Jon

It's not an initial it's a continuous decision to take responsibility in seeking out where am I missing? The level of responsibility I ought to be taking in this right, because once your eyes open to Oh man, I've been smirking this right, I've been looking for someone to fix this, but it's on me.


09;16;27;14 - 09;16;17;13

Jon

This piece, at least for me, comes over still with the pain of the problem, but of at least I can do something. There's a relief, you know? Have you felt that way to you?


09;16;17;03 - 09;16;15;06

Nick "Cuts"

Absolutely. I think that.


09;16;14;05 - 09;16;13;20

Nick "Cuts"

The.


09;16;13;18 - 09;15;52;25

Nick "Cuts"

Big and it didn't come until Lorne and I were married and sitting down one day and watching what was going on with, you know, my younger siblings and and their mom and watching the struggles they went through. And it's like, man, I went through the seeing some of those same things.


09;15;52;25 - 09;15;27;00

Nick "Cuts"

I didn't have the support, though, you know? But I went through some of those same emotions and the realization that. I don't have to live in fear of. You know, that person coming back and influencing my life anymore that I don't have to think about, you know, think about life in the way of how are they perceive


09;15;27;00 - 09;15;07;28

Nick "Cuts"

it? Because it it is in a part of my life anymore. I don't have to interact with that anymore. I I'm past that point in my journey. And it informs some of my decisions of how do I interact with people that are like that that are, you know, condescending, insulting, toxic.


09;15;07;01 - 09;14;54;28

Nick "Cuts"

I can I can pick it out. I can see it, and I know how to interact with it in a more effective, in a more efficient level is you don't you don't play into it. You don't, you don't interact with it.


09;14;54;28 - 09;14;34;16

Nick "Cuts"

You don't give them that satisfaction because you have that ability now and you can stand up in your own person and be able to to push back against it. And yeah, it gives you peace, because now even interacting at the office or interacting with people, you know, like at my last unit with the whole situation there, that


09;14;34;16 - 09;14;20;14

Nick "Cuts"

was so incredibly just backwards and toxic. I was able to stand at the end of the day and say I did everything I could. I did the right thing. It gave, you know, I gave my 100% and all.


09;14;19;23 - 09;14;01;03

Nick "Cuts"

And if somebody else didn't like what I had to say or who I was and me standing my ground and the morals and character I had, that's on them. But I did the right thing. And that was. But that didn't come until after having the realization that other people don't get to tell me how to live my


09;14;01;03 - 09;13;48;11

Nick "Cuts"

life and the regards of if I have a moral standard in standing, I'm going to stick to it and I'm going to hold that ground. And I'm not going to, and I'm not going to back down when I know that it's the right course of action.


09;13;47;25 - 09;13;33;02

Nick "Cuts"

And then having the support of, you know, an amazing wife who stood beside me and was like, Hey, no, you're right. You got you got to stand that ground. And then you and Jordan in Lindsay. When I called you guys, I was like, Hey, this is the situation.


09;13;32;17 - 09;13;17;04

Nick "Cuts"

What do you do? And you guys, your poor guys, is responses. Well, do you feel that would you feel horrible if you didn't take that stand? six months to now, if you look back? Are you going to regret not making the stand?


09;13;17;03 - 09;13;16;14

Nick "Cuts"

I said, Yeah.


09;13;15;09 - 09;13;14;20

Jon

Decision and.


09;13;13;12 - 09;12;59;26

Nick "Cuts"

And it's it's having that sounding board having, again, that community to be able to bounce back to, but knowing at the end of the day is my decision that I had to make. But having that community be like, Hey, is this a good idea, my am, I not.


09;12;59;16 - 09;12;54;05

Nick "Cuts"

Am I morally right here? Am I mentally in the right frame of mind or do I need to check myself and readdress it?


09;12;53;20 - 09;12;49;03

Lindsey

Right? Are you too close to the situation? Type of thing to see it clearly or in different ways?


09;12;49;02 - 09;12;33;07

Nick "Cuts"

Yeah, exactly that wise counsel. It's incredibly important. You know, the first line is, you know, Lauren is the one I will always go to with my first set of problems and get that answer from her and her wisdom in in grace in handling those things is phenomenal.


09;12;31;26 - 09;12;18;21

Nick "Cuts"

But there's also the need to have seek even more counsel wise counsel. And that's why I'll reach out to you guys when there's like things like, Hey, we've talked about this. I know she's going to back me if I'm right.


09;12;18;20 - 09;12;04;14

Nick "Cuts"

I want to make sure that not just us as a family unit is right. But is this right, as a collective, as a community? Would this be a right stance to hold? OK. OK, well executed. But ultimately it's me executing right.


09;12;03;27 - 09;11;55;22

Lindsey

Yeah, it still falls to your decision, your choice. You're going to be the one who's going to be held accountable for what you say and do exactly.


09;11;55;10 - 09;11;33;08

Jon

There's a transformation that happens when you start taking the level of responsibility. We're talking about every step of greater responsibility and ownership over your own lives that we take, the greater sovereignty we have over our own lives. And one thing that I, you know, my memory is sparked differently having this type of conversation with you because we


09;11;33;08 - 09;11;20;17

Jon

walked so long together in like the situation you're alluding to as you were in a military unit with a lot of corruption and you and you had convictions that didn't allow that corruption to continue and you took the actions you felt were appropriate to address that.


09;11;20;07 - 09;11;01;12

Jon

And that took a lot of courage. And it could have cost you greatly career wise. And you know, here we are in your characters intact and you are stronger for it. And what I love about how you discussed the going to Lucy shout out, by the way, Lauren, your wife, she's incredible and we love her.


09;11;01;04 - 09;10;38;20

Jon

But you know, having that respect cultivated in your marriage of I'm going to go to my better half my bride, the person, my beloved to gain their insight and making decisions I think is extremely positive. And then also going to that sounding board right wars are won in a multitude of wise counsel and, you know, gaining those


09;10;38;20 - 09;10;23;24

Jon

insights. To me, that's something that someone who has sovereign ownership and control over the lives, they do that. And what I'm remembering is when I was a boy, I would want the same counsel so that I could learn from those perspectives.


09;10;23;14 - 09;10;04;01

Jon

But I also looked for the answer to my questions in the council, whereas now I have the answer typically, or I've made a decision typically to a certain level of fidelity, and I'm looking like you said to test it with the council, but I'm not looking for them to take ownership of the decision because I know that


09;10;04;01 - 09;09;48;01

Jon

that's mine to make. And I think that that's one of the shifts that happens when you start going from someone who looks for a parent or other to solve their problems to being one who like accepts the fact that it's on them but still wants to make good decisions that are informed and tested.


09;09;47;15 - 09;09;30;19

Nick "Cuts"

Absolutely. And I think it goes, you know, I think it was a couple of one of the coffees and great, you guys did it. Where are you talking about with the boys right now, where you give them? They have a question, but you aren't automatically giving them the answer.


09;09;30;19 - 09;09;16;10

Nick "Cuts"

You're like, Well, what do you think? Or where could you find these answers? And you're teaching them to, Hey, I have this idea in my head. I think it's right now. I go bounce and try to find the answers myself instead of just going to hitting the easy.


09;09;16;10 - 09;09;09;28

Nick "Cuts"

But because the other pitfall that people fall into is, you're going to always go to the people that you know are going to give you the answer you want to hear.


09;09;09;23 - 09;09;09;00

Nick "Cuts"

Right? Mhm.


09;09;08;20 - 09;08;57;23

Nick "Cuts"

Right. Hey, I have this really hard decision in front of me. I know what I want to do, and it's selfish, self seeking, self-serving. Who do I know within my?


09;08;56;23 - 09;08;56;00

Nick "Cuts"

Counsel.


09;08;55;10 - 09;08;40;24

Nick "Cuts"

That's going to back my decisions, and this is what we're actually, you know, we see in society is a big hole. We have the the guys who guys and gals who get divorced and they have a divorce party with all of their single friends who are, yeah, that guy or that girl was a jerk.


09;08;40;24 - 09;08;21;06

Nick "Cuts"

And I can't know that that's the exact wrong answer to have, because what you're doing is you're just commiserating and, you know, reinforcing negative behavior by seeking the easy counsel. Instead of seeking those wise, hard counselors, you are going to hold you accountable for your actions because what it's doing is forcing it back onto you.


09;08;21;06 - 09;08;12;05

Nick "Cuts"

A good counselor is going to be like, Hey. Are you sure that's the decision you want to make? Is that really what you think or are you just wanting to hit the easy button on this one?


09;08;11;24 - 09;08;11;14

Nick "Cuts"

Mm-Hmm.


09;08;11;10 - 09;07;57;16

Jon

So when I think that's the difference between choosing, like seeking confirmation, so you feel good about decision you knows wrong versus, you know, the type of people who are going to shoot straight and say, Nick, what are you doing?


09;07;57;16 - 09;07;57;03

Jon

That's wrong?


09;07;56;11 - 09;07;56;00

Nick "Cuts"

Mm-Hmm.


09;07;55;13 - 09;07;49;20

Jon

And I think that's another strength you. I think you cultivate and grow that right?


09;07;49;17 - 09;07;49;04

Lindsey

Yeah.


09;07;48;23 - 09;07;33;09

Nick "Cuts"

Absolutely. Because if you don't, you're you're just doomed to repeat yourself. You're going to go insane because it's it's uncomfortable to be uncomfortable, right? You don't want to find those wise counselors that are going to hold you accountable because that means that you actually have to grow.


09;07;33;08 - 09;07;18;10

Nick "Cuts"

That means you actually have to be like self-aware and be like, man. It's not just everybody else around me that's messed up. I got some stuff I got to fix, too, but that that in and of itself requires some wise counsel and self-awareness.


09;07;17;28 - 09;07;01;12

Nick "Cuts"

And I think that that gets to the very core of Gray itself is if you aren't self-aware and able to take mental faculty of your own shortcomings in your own inefficiencies and abilities, how can you expect yourself to be able to first grow, be able to love?


09;07;01;12 - 09;06;48;05

Nick "Cuts"

Because if you don't know yourself, you can't love others, right? Loving neighbor as yourself. If you don't even know yourself, how can you know somebody else? Truly? And in so doing, then you know the areas that you need somebody to hold you accountable on.


09;06;48;03 - 09;06;34;15

Nick "Cuts"

You know who you need to go talk to when you're, you know, for thinking through a math problem. I'm really I don't know this math problem. I know this guy knows the math problem. He's going to help teach me how to do the math problem instead of going to my calculator over here.


09;06;34;15 - 09;06;22;26

Nick "Cuts"

That's going to just give me and spit out the answer. You know, it's seeking the desire to learn through your inequities instead of hitting the easy buddy and just getting rid of your inequities altogether.


09;06;21;28 - 09;06;07;13

Lindsey

Yeah, it's exactly like you're saying with the math thing. It's like, I don't go to the mechanic if my legs broken. I go to the doctor like exactly the right person. But it's going to also be the uncomfortable one because if my legs broken and they have to reset it, that's going to suck.


09;06;06;28 - 09;06;06;18

Nick "Cuts"

Mm-Hmm.


09;06;06;00 - 09;06;04;03

Jon

There's there's no other way about it.


09;06;03;07 - 09;05;56;27

Lindsey

But to get it back to where it needs to be, it has to be uncomfortable to force you to change.


09;05;56;08 - 09;05;54;28

Nick "Cuts"

Yep, absolutely.


09;05;54;07 - 09;05;52;02

Jon

In along these lines, right? There's this idea.


09;05;51;20 - 09;05;51;09

Nick "Cuts"

That.


09;05;50;18 - 09;05;41;28

Jon

Like there's a saying something along the lines of if no one's crazy in your family, then you're the crazy one because every family has some crazy, right?


09;05;41;15 - 09;05;40;06

Nick "Cuts"

So like there.


09;05;39;26 - 09;05;38;08

Jon

There is this like big deal.


09;05;38;05 - 09;05;37;22

Nick "Cuts"

Where.


09;05;36;08 - 09;05;12;27

Jon

It's uncomfortable. It's hard work, but that's the price you pay to have a higher quality life in which you can exercise sovereignty over your life, ownership of your life, enjoy the gifts of freedom and community. It comes at the price of looking in that mirror and taking account for who the heck you are and not trying to


09;05;12;27 - 09;04;54;25

Jon

get rid of. So this is something that I was just talking with Lindsey about. We were having a conversation, but for so long I've wanted to kill the bad and be right and feed the good right. There's the old Native American proverb that in side of every man, there are two wolves, one that is good and one


09;04;54;25 - 09;04;42;24

Jon

that is evil, and the one that wins is the one you feed. And I think that's true from where we are currently moving forward. But how about the animal that is part of you? Write that evil wolf, that's part of you, that you said for years.


09;04;42;19 - 09;04;34;25

Jon

It's still part of you. What do you do with it? Well, you can't kill it. It's part of you. So what do you do? You have to learn how to incorporate the good in the bad of who you are?


09;04;34;22 - 09;04;16;07

Jon

Your family was who your history is to create one unified picture that you can then use the strengths and shortcomings of to create a better today and tomorrow. And it's through the incorporation of the brokenness, not the ignoring or the removing of it that you can actually build something powerful.


09;04;15;16 - 09;03;56;00

Nick "Cuts"

Absolutely. And you know, to to kind of expound on that, that context, the idea of the two walls. If you starve the snot out of something, what's it going to want the moment that it gives any viability or any acknowledgment of it, if you don't incorporate is a part of like, Hey, I know it's short.


09;03;56;00 - 09;03;44;20

Nick "Cuts"

I know this is something that I struggle with or I know that these are things that I am. I have a propensity to do. And you just deny, deny, deny, deny when it does finally rear its ugly head.


09;03;44;08 - 09;03;26;15

Nick "Cuts"

It is going to be vicious. It's going to be incredibly all consuming because it's been starved for so long. And so you'll see that it's angry and you see that rebound and it comes out in manifests itself in a litany of different ways.


09;03;26;15 - 09;03;08;07

Nick "Cuts"

You know, in relationships, it destroys marriages in and businesses it destroys partnerships. It's. It is the pure thing that will destroy any good thing you've established, you got to recognize it in, like you said, incorporate it, not necessarily feed into it.


09;03;08;07 - 09;02;53;07

Nick "Cuts"

Oh, hey, this is this is my plight. This is how I'm always going to be. But rather, hey, I know I do this. I see it. Hey, there's a body or council. This is coming up. How do I interact with it?


09;02;53;07 - 09;02;49;28

Nick "Cuts"

And those people help kind of drive you away from it?


09;02;48;02 - 09;02;34;09

Jon

Yeah. A really good, real, world grounded example of this, right that I think of is indicting, you know, sometimes people ask me like, Oh, what should I do or something? I'm like, No, you shouldn't do it, you know?


09;02;33;04 - 09;02;14;20

Jon

The reason I believe that is because if you do a diet, what happens when most people do a diet? If you do a 30 day strict diet, then when you're done with that diet, you celebrate, right? Yep. And then in three days, you've undone the 30 days progress because those habits, those parts of how you consume food


09;02;14;11 - 09;02;07;02

Jon

weren't addressed. You just suffocated them and they got hung. They got those urges, got stronger and stronger. And still, hey, I just did.


09;02;07;02 - 09;02;04;20

Nick "Cuts"

Great for 30 days. Celebrate.


09;02;04;07 - 09;01;46;01

Jon

Let's eat all the cheesecake and pudding. And next thing you know you're Adobe and sloppy and gross again. And the the difference is, though. So like, that's that whole cycle of like if I have this part of me that is like, really not good or I'm not happy with and I just try to suppress it and ignore


09;01;46;01 - 09;01;31;22

Jon

it and pretend like it's not there, then when it breaks free from that restraint one week, it's going to wreak havoc on my life. It's a different approach is to say, OK, how can I learn from these negative habits?


09;01;31;14 - 09;01;14;22

Jon

You know these negative things and have them become a part of my lifestyle in a way that you. Is healthy and stronger, right? And that's where, like on the diet conversation, I I'll just ask. OK, well, to get started changing lifestyle, how much water to drink?


09;01;14;00 - 09;01;04;10

Jon

Let's just start with that. Do you drink near a gallon a day? No. Just focus on that for the next month until you don't even think about it and you're doing it. And then let's talk about the next step.


09;01;04;10 - 09;01;00;04

Jon

And it's not going to be sexy. It's not going to be fast. But by doing things like.


09;01;00;04 - 09;00;56;26

Lindsey

That, but it's a lifestyle change. It's not a diet.


09;00;56;25 - 09;00;55;19

Jon

That's it. You're changing.


09;00;55;19 - 09;00;55;00

Nick "Cuts"

Lifestyle.


09;00;54;21 - 09;00;38;28

Lindsey

Yeah. And that takes time to undo the bad behavior of the small choices that you make day in and day out when you're weak, when you don't have someone going next to you and alongside you and developing good habits.


09;00;38;20 - 09;00;27;25

Lindsey

So you have to develop the good habit with one thing specifically within the diet before you can even attempt to go well, I'm going to eat all vegetables. I'm going to cut all this out and I'm going to drink a gallon of water.


09;00;27;20 - 09;00;27;11

Nick "Cuts"

Yeah.


09;00;26;12 - 09;00;10;24

Nick "Cuts"

Exactly. It's the slow, steady, slow the turtle wins the race. Slow and steady wins the race. You know you can go fast, and that's great. Some people are meant in designed and incapable of doing those things, and that's their journey.


09;00;10;24 - 10;59;54;11

Nick "Cuts"

That's their life. The vast majority of people slow and steady, and it's a generational thing. You know, it's not going to happen in one generation. Sometimes it may take two generations for things to change for even in a family.


10;59;54;11 - 10;59;33;20

Nick "Cuts"

Sometimes it takes some whole and generation to pull a family out of poverty, and then it takes a whole nother generation to develop some wealth, and then it takes another generation to actually sustain that wealth. And so it's it's not just in in we as we as people want to have that instantaneous, especially here in America, that


10;59;33;20 - 10;59;11;07

Nick "Cuts"

instant change the pill that fixes it all the this, you know, this surgery that's going to change this, this program diet, what have you. It's all to try to get the clickbait because people want that instant gratification instead of seeing the long term payout of being diligent, deliberate and and methodical about the way in which they approach


10;59;11;07 - 10;58;53;22

Nick "Cuts"

problem sets. Because anybody can do hard things. Everybody can do hard things. It's just at what point are you interacting with those hard things or are you starting at ground zero? Have no capability of coping mechanisms, and you're just going to find your way through it or you kind of the middle where you're like, Hey, I know


10;58;53;22 - 10;58;42;27

Nick "Cuts"

how to kind of interact with this, but I have it developed because I haven't chose to develop. Are you at the higher end where it's like, Hey, this is going to be hard, it's going to suck. But I got to get through this 26 miles.


10;58;42;27 - 10;58;28;22

Nick "Cuts"

I got to get through that twelve mile run. I got to get through a week of a fussy baby who's got a cold. I got it. But I have the mental resiliency of the emotional resiliency and maturity to interact at those different levels.


10;58;28;22 - 10;58;18;10

Nick "Cuts"

And that's harking back to which you guys are saying it doesn't. It's not just a day today I decide I'm going to change. No, it's it's the systematic changing as you go along in life.


10;58;16;11 - 10;58;15;13

Lindsey

Well, it really is.


10;58;14;25 - 10;58;08;16

Jon

In something that happens to talking about the turtle, the tortoise and the hare, right, you got to go slow and steady and then some people turn on.


10;58;08;16 - 10;58;08;04

Nick "Cuts"

Their.


10;58;07;24 - 10;58;06;27

Jon

You know, the turd in the hair.