Image by asoggetti

The Grit Theory

Search

22. The Joy of Saying No



 

Today we explore the value of:

  1. The Art of Saying No

  2. Contracts and Transactions with Yourself

  3. Redeeming Windshield time

Highlights from our conversation include:

  • Versions of self, which you are you working with?

  • "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins

  • Higher quality living

  • Compound interest

  • How to know when to say yes versus no

  • Freedom of speech

  • Freedom to read

  • Actionable ways to redeem your windshield time

  • Don't argue with idiots

Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT!

Join The Grit Theory Community Here!

 

08;06;40;00 - 08;06;37;21

Aaron

OK. Good morning, Jon.


08;06;37;07 - 08;06;36;15

Jon

Good morning, how are you?


08;06;35;25 - 08;06;24;27

Aaron

Well, you know, I originally came into the studio, so gym, gym then slash studio a little bit in a state of storm panic.


08;06;24;26 - 08;06;24;12

Jon

Why?


08;06;23;07 - 08;06;10;09

Aaron

Well, I made the terrible mistake of sleeping in late, which is one thing I hate being late the stuff, but then I knew I was going to be late coming to see you, which is like a different thing and you don't.


08;06;08;12 - 08;05;53;17

Aaron

I mean, you're a gracious guy, don't get me wrong, I don't want to paint this picture, but you're also a you're also not one that hides emotion and and I and I also appreciate that you're you're going to just get the consequence out of you.


08;05;52;24 - 08;05;47;08

Aaron

You know, it's like, OK, he's not going to distill on this. I know this. So it's like, right, when I knew.


08;05;46;15 - 08;05;46;05

Aaron

You.


08;05;46;05 - 08;05;32;13

Aaron

Were saying, Hey, I got to wake you up. But really, it was. I am sure it was some. It was a punishment of some kind, you know, like, you threw me the rope, you know, put me on this terrible running circuit just to wake me up.


08;05;32;09 - 08;05;27;11

Aaron

I mean, just like that's mean, but not mean. It's like what a good friend should do, I suppose.


08;05;27;11 - 08;05;26;02

Jon

But seven minutes from hell.


08;05;25;06 - 08;05;21;06

Aaron

It woke me up. I mean, hello, everybody. Good morning. Well.


08;05;20;12 - 08;05;16;21

Jon

I realized when you almost hit me in the car because you didn't see me.


08;05;15;09 - 08;05;14;16

Aaron

Oh, you saw that.


08;05;14;02 - 08;05;09;05

Jon

Yeah, I realized, like, he's going very fast to make it to my house. Yep, and I need get off the road now.


08;05;07;01 - 08;05;04;29

Aaron

Now, I kind of wish me if I raised them a little bit.


08;05;04;29 - 08;05;04;24

Aaron

Yeah.


08;05;04;02 - 08;04;52;29

Jon

But you're going like fast enough, that would hurt. Yeah. But the second I heard your voice, I heard that sleepy sound like trying to stoljar yourself out, and I knew I had to help. Yeah. As your.


08;04;52;29 - 08;04;43;04

Aaron

Friend. Thank you, Jon. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, so I'm feeling great. Good. But it's because I have this terrible, I mean, great friend to give you up in the world. Thank you.


08;04;42;29 - 08;04;41;26

Jon

We just keep it fair.


08;04;41;11 - 08;04;41;11

Aaron

Yeah.


08;04;39;24 - 08;04;27;24

Jon

But good. Yeah, that was our wake up. It's kind of an ironic opening. In fact, I think it'll add context to our conversation because it's a kind of a fresh counterbalance to some of the things that we are going to talk about this morning, right?


08;04;27;08 - 08;04;07;26

Jon

And as always, our conversations are journey to better understanding for ourselves. Yeah, but they're kind of three things that we are working to kind of hone in on with intentionality, you know, kind about it. We are going to hone in on with intentionality this morning and today we're going to discuss the value of one saying no, the


08;04;07;26 - 08;04;06;29

Jon

art of saying no.


08;04;06;17 - 08;03;53;06

Aaron

I think that we're art, by the way. It's like, you know, like art versus science. Yep, science is very clinical. Step one to three But saying no is not so cut and dry. It's it's something it needs to be practiced.


08;03;52;24 - 08;03;33;00

Jon

Practiced and there's intuition to the nuances of the moment. All that. Yeah, so we'll get into that problem. Start there to use contracts and transactions with yourself, which should be fun. And then. We just have a passion for redeeming windshield time, so I'm sure that will come up as we talk about it, but those are the three


08;03;32;21 - 08;03;22;21

Jon

, the Nuggets, the art of saying no contracts and transactions with yourself and redeeming when show time. But as we were brainstorming, we were like, Let's let's see how much of that we can talk about in the morning.


08;03;22;12 - 08;03;18;21

Aaron

Absolutely. That's great. So shall we start with artists saying.


08;03;18;21 - 08;03;15;15

Jon

Now I think we just start there and see where the conversation takes us?


08;03;15;01 - 08;02;51;06

Aaron

OK? I can be a bad the chief of centers on this, I used to say like, I feel like saying yes is the has immediate gratification and it's so alluring. Like when someone ask you to do something, when you hear something that you can do, you're able to do it.


08;02;50;28 - 08;02;30;15

Aaron

It's easy to raise your hand. Say Yes, I'll do this. And that's that's noble. But what we're talking about is is saying yes, when you should be saying yes, when you're not measuring what you are saying yes to already what you need to say yes to in the future versus what you're just saying yes to really mindlessly


08;02;30;13 - 08;02;30;04

Aaron

. Hmm.


08;02;28;22 - 08;02;06;07

Aaron

And that's I'm just Jon. As you think about what you say, yes and no to. How do you measure that? Is there something is there a way that you can give yourself a litmus test? Are you are you pausing before you say anything and then come back to people like what has been your rhythm or or maybe


08;02;06;07 - 08;02;05;11

Aaron

what is your ideal.


08;02;04;20 - 08;02;04;13

Aaron

Trying.


08;02;04;13 - 08;02;03;17

Aaron

To grow in that?


08;02;02;20 - 08;01;46;03

Jon

Yeah, that's right, I think it's definitely a growth thing. There's no arrival there for myself, at least in and I really suck at it. So by by nature, I'm actually kind of a people pleaser, especially the not only the people I care about, but I don't, you know, knows uncomfortable.


08;01;45;29 - 08;01;31;19

Jon

It is often uncomfortable. But one of the things I'm trying to get better at is saying no more often so that my yeses can be more powerful. Mm-Hmm. In that I can genuinely believe and be behind the things I commit myself to.


08;01;31;13 - 08;01;29;14

Jon

Mm. And that's that's a journey.


08;01;28;17 - 08;01;19;04

Aaron

When you say no, you said something to me the other day that was was good. Is that learning how to not excuse away? And no. Yeah. Explain that to me.


08;01;18;27 - 08;01;03;28

Jon

Well, just to the people pleaser part, right? Hey, can you help me move? Or Hey, can you help me do this? Or Hey, can you come to this event right? Like that? Of course you want to say yes because you want to let the person down, but when you realize the answer ought to be no.


08;01;03;20 - 08;00;46;06

Jon

And there's a lot of reasons that that might be. Then it's like, No, I'm not going to be able to make it. Thank you for the invitation. Mm hmm. That's all that you need to say. But for some reason, at least to myself, I struggle with this feeling of desire to like, No, I can't because I'm doing


08;00;46;06 - 08;00;37;12

Jon

this with the kids or I have to get this project done, or I have to do that. And it's like when they didn't ask to you, it's not their business and not not in a callous way, but just frankly.


08;00;36;24 - 08;00;27;01

Jon

And three. Like what kind of precedent is that set for yourself? Like let your yes be yes and your nose, you know? Right. So it's just like, no, I'm not going to be able to make it, but thank you for the invitation.


08;00;26;27 - 08;00;20;10

Jon

Like, that's a fairly gracious way to say no. And if they say why not, then they're opening up the door on themselves. Mm hmm. Right.


08;00;19;07 - 08;00;18;27

Aaron

Right.


08;00;18;25 - 08;00;07;22

Jon

I just hope nobody move. And I was talking to another buddy on the way home and we were kind of talking about the same conversation. And like someone had asked me a couple of weeks ago if I could help the move.


08;00;07;13 - 09;59;52;17

Jon

And frankly, my weekend was quote unquote wide open, right? As I don't have any like hard time engagements. I always have things to do and family to invest in. And I told them, no, sorry, not going to be able to help this time, but thank them for telling me I wish I could be there to help.


09;59;51;27 - 09;59;39;03

Jon

Well, I didn't say the wish part because that wasn't true. I was like, I'm not going to be able to help this time. And they said, OK, they'd ask me. It just went on and I spent that time where I needed to, though I didn't have another commitment.


09;59;38;27 - 09;59;30;13

Jon

I didn't have an excuse. Mm-Hmm. I spent it in the thing that was hard party and needed it, and that was a good. Confirmation for me to stay the course, right?


09;59;30;06 - 09;59;29;27

Aaron

Yeah.


09;59;29;10 - 09;59;17;08

Aaron

That's good. We have to we have to also remember that when you have people in your life too, you're not saying just yes to your own schedule, you're saying yes to other people's schedule that they may be depending on you or might want to have you around.


09;59;17;08 - 09;59;10;00

Aaron

And that's something I've had to learn to to to not be so focused on your own little world to.


09;59;09;01 - 09;58;54;03

Jon

Yeah, because if you think about it, like we both have a group of kids and and wives, and if I say yes to something, it's taken from all six of our time. Hmm. Especially on the weekend when it's not during my normal work schedule.


09;58;54;00 - 09;58;50;14

Jon

Right. So that that's what I hear you talking about there. Yeah.


09;58;49;25 - 09;58;34;11

Aaron

I have. I'll tell you what I have. This is what happens to me inevitably is like, I don't count the cost of my yes. Until after I've said yes. And then I'm like kicking myself, you know, you may have done this like, I can't believe I said, yes, I know I got it.


09;58;33;29 - 09;58;12;21

Aaron

That the and then they get the worst of you. Like, you know, when you show up to that thing, you're not prepared and you don't really you're not really present, you're grumpy. You might even be snide, you know, and maybe make biting remarks and stuff like if you're going to do that, you can't say yes, you almost


09;58;12;17 - 09;58;08;18

Aaron

to take a beat and be like, Can I say yes to this? If you're certainly going to do that yet?


09;58;08;16 - 09;57;55;24

Jon

The delay man is huge, right? Because like if you give yourself the chance to hit like one of the things, because I'm not, I'm not good enough at saying no to trust myself to give an answer upfront. So I say, let me get back with you.


09;57;55;10 - 09;57;53;01

Jon

Hmm. Right. Like, that's that's what I'm. That's good.


09;57;52;12 - 09;57;51;22

Aaron

Good tactic.


09;57;51;08 - 09;57;37;25

Jon

Right. Because then I can give myself the space to actually think about it because I'm not going to likelihood is if I give an off the cuff response unless I have some really clear reason I can't do something, it's going to be a yes, because that's my tendency.


09;57;37;12 - 09;57;23;09

Jon

But I don't want that to be my tendency. So I'm trying to overcome that by let me get back to you. So that way, I can be more certain because like, you're right, when you realize that you said yes to something you shouldn't have.


09;57;22;29 - 09;57;08;00

Jon

Yeah. Even if you can have a good attitude about it, right, you're not giving everything you have, it's kind of like with the hospitality. You don't want to like, eat something from someone if they're begrudging it, you know?


09;57;07;21 - 09;57;00;16

Jon

So that's on the person who gives the answer, though, on the person who requests it right? And that's just part of the ownership thing, I think.


09;57;00;14 - 09;56;45;07

Aaron

Yeah, exactly. Well, because you can't you can't discount what what kind of tax that's going to give you when you say yes and you shouldn't, you should have said no. And this is something we were talking about the other day, too, is that we had a.


09;56;44;03 - 09;56;33;14

Aaron

You have to realize that when you say no, it is, it is hard and then the front and like, it's not. Let's not paint a different picture, like saying no socks, it's not it's not fun to say no.


09;56;33;01 - 09;56;21;29

Aaron

OK, but what is fun is that your mind is free after that. Correct. You have no contract after that. When you say yes, feels good up front, the contract remains that you don't even want.


09;56;21;29 - 09;56;11;03

Jon

To have and then you pay the price. And that's what's interesting. So like, one of the aspects of transactions with yourself is like if you look at an item, say, like this mug, you know, let's say this mug cost $50, right?


09;56;11;03 - 09;55;58;10

Jon

Which it does not. And if I wanted to keep this mug, I'd have to buy it for $50 right now. Mm hmm. Would I buy it to keep it right? The answer would be no. I did part and part ways of this mug.


09;55;57;18 - 09;55;40;19

Jon

If it was three bucks, would I keep it? Yeah, I'd pay three bucks to keep the mug. So in the same way when you're saying like, I think that it's a good analogy that I've started using with like people who ask things of me also, because if it's like, Hey, we come to this event, I'm like, OK


09;55;40;19 - 09;55;24;05

Jon

, it's three hours away. That's six hours of driving. Mm hmm. Am I willing to spend six hours of driving to be at this event? If the answer's yes, right, it's not about the person, it's not about anything else, if the answer is it's sometimes it may be, but I'll go if the answer is no.


09;55;23;07 - 09;55;13;14

Jon

I'm not one to rest six hours for that event, even if I love the person dearly because I need to spend that six hours elsewhere because it's not just the event. Yeah, right, then I'm not going to buy it.


09;55;12;22 - 09;55;00;07

Aaron

I have noticed that as people get into higher levels of authority and success as far as their the scope of management, they hire people to say no for them.


09;54;59;01 - 09;54;58;09

Jon

I think it's funny.


09;54;57;23 - 09;54;38;23

Aaron

Yeah, it's like it's a job. Yeah, and there's something to that, like why is it that someone needs to be saying no to them? Well, because those that person that level has to absolutely say yes to those three or four things that they've decided to do and has to be very careful about the things that are taking


09;54;38;23 - 09;54;38;00

Aaron

them away from those things.


09;54;37;17 - 09;54;25;03

Jon

Yeah, and that's part of the filtration process, right? Like when you get to a level and you have that many opportunities coming in, you need to have the criteria set in. Someone can help filter that so you can say yes or no to a smaller number, right?


09;54;24;24 - 09;54;20;15

Jon

But in the end, the day to day, you'll probably have enough that you can just set the boundaries up to full term for yourself.


09;54;20;02 - 09;54;19;24

Aaron

Mm-Hmm.


09;54;19;17 - 09;54;10;17

Aaron

And, you know, kind of diving more into the transactions, right? Like if I want to invest that time, yes, you know, that's kind of helpful. You know, you're sitting at a meal and then you've got the tab, right?


09;54;10;03 - 09;53;58;24

Jon

If that wasn't your intent part of the conversation, the answer's now and then say no, because that will also poison you, right? And it's it's different scenarios. But then I think we call it the art because there's so much finesse to it.


09;53;58;12 - 09;53;46;21

Aaron

There is, yeah, there's graciousness to it. Like, I don't want to discount like we're not trying to be jerks or anything. No. And nor would I we'd ask any of our listeners, is I just I would caution anybody.


09;53;46;11 - 09;53;34;06

Aaron

That's that's a yes man all the time. That sounds noble. And there's some things you do need to start saying yes to you. And we talk about that too. Like as far as new habits and attitudes, those are great things to do.


09;53;34;06 - 09;53;25;12

Aaron

But if you're just trying to please someone else other than you and would priorities you're trying to accomplish. And you know what you need to be doing, that's something you really challenge.


09;53;24;13 - 09;53;03;01

Jon

Yeah, absolutely and and looking at. That it's because everything comes at a cost. Right? And if you're giving of yourself like that, then it's it's degrading you and saw this wonderful quote the other day. Absolutely loved it. I keep seeing it, but essentially don't do things that compromise yourself or don't do things that compromise your strength or


09;53;03;01 - 09;52;44;28

Jon

your character. Right. And and as I've dwelled on that, I was like, you know, big failures don't happen. Typically in the in the split second decision that leads to them. It's it's 1000 tiny compromises. Yeah, compromises deterioration and.


09;52;44;12 - 09;52;39;07

Jon

And I've done a lot of challenges over the last. Coming up on a year, I think a on day.


09;52;38;28 - 09;52;37;21

Aaron

28 has sit on the board.


09;52;37;18 - 09;52;36;15

Jon

29 in the updated.


09;52;36;14 - 09;52;35;22

Aaron

Oh OK.


09;52;35;19 - 09;52;33;22

Aaron

Yeah, uh.


09;52;32;15 - 09;52;13;26

Jon

On day 29 of a on on this one. And I realized. They're less so shall they started as a physical challenges to maintain fitness? But they're really contracts with myself to strengthen my character. And I remember a long time ago you and I talked about relationships kind of being like bank accounts.


09;52;13;16 - 09;51;51;29

Jon

Right? I remember we talked about this like with the water in the lawn analogy in episode one. But. If everything you do with someone is a transaction like as a metaphor financially and you're either putting money in the bank or take doing a withdrawal right deposit withdrawal, I think this same analogy works really well with how you


09;51;51;29 - 09;51;36;11

Jon

interact with yourself. You know, if if I say I'm going to wake up at four or five or six or seven, whatever and actually pass that. I am taking a withdraw on my ability to trust myself that if I say I'll do something, I'll do it.


09;51;36;02 - 09;51;20;00

Jon

Mm-Hmm. And if I do wake up and I say I'm going to, I'm putting capital into the bank, investing in myself, knowing on a very small level that I'm going to do what I say. Mm hmm. And you know, Isaac, just keep pulling on that thread.


09;51;19;21 - 09;51;05;29

Jon

That's like, OK, every time I miss and I do withdraw, it's like ten bucks. Every time I hit it and I do a deposit, it's one. Mm hmm. So there's there. It's definitely a hugely disproportional cost. But over the years.


09;51;05;00 - 09;50;54;17

Jon

You know, I think that's what degrades you if you say you're not going to, you know, you wake up from a fun night of drinking and whatever and you wake up and you even hate your work and maybe even wake up on time.


09;50;54;17 - 09;50;46;08

Jon

But you're I'm not drinking tonight. And then that night, you justify drinking. Mm-Hmm. That's not a big deal in the moment. It's not a big deal for the day. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.


09;50;46;08 - 09;50;35;18

Jon

But if you do that often it will start to degrade your trust. If, like, if I say, I'm going to do something, am I going to do it? Yeah. And then that can start to be a slippery slope in a lot of things.


09;50;34;04 - 09;50;15;10

Aaron

You're really you're raising the floor. Of your compromise, if it makes any sense, like you're like who you are, when you're weakest is going to affect you, it will affect the strong version of you too, because it's the same person ultimately has to deal the same consequences.


09;50;14;24 - 09;50;00;24

Aaron

So. If you know there's weakness there, then those contracts strengthen that. I think you're kind of killing at least the worst part of the week, man. Yeah, and you're making him at least a little bit strong because you're going to be weak.


09;50;00;24 - 09;49;44;09

Aaron

Like, that's not that's never going to go away. There's going to be a part of you that's always going to want to do the thing that's competing with strong Donald Trump himself. So I think that's what you're kind of doing is you're saying to yourself, those weak moments are going to be fewer and fewer and they're going


09;49;44;09 - 09;49;34;03

Aaron

to be less consequential as I make these deposits into this equity. That which I believe is, I believe in myself, I'm making contracts for myself and I believe myself when I say, I'm going to do something.


09;49;33;09 - 09;49;14;26

Jon

Yeah, absolutely. And the one thing that is interesting is things that I'm really hard on myself now are things I didn't even consider compromise a couple of months ago. So there's things that, like I would have done and just walked past that, whatever.


09;49;14;09 - 09;48;57;18

Jon

And now it's like, No, that's wrong. That's compromising yourself. Yeah. So like, you start to build momentum and like compound interest, right? The more you invest in this thing. OK, I think I did. I think I'm somewhere around 275 300 ish days of these contracts with myself.


09;48;57;18 - 09;48;34;29

Jon

These daily challenges since last Thanksgiving. Mm hmm. It's a it's a lot. The majority of the time, certainly. And now if I do something that's against my back, my conscience, that little voice is getting stronger. The the part of me, like, I think we're all at war, struggling between who we can become and who we are.


09;48;34;29 - 09;48;22;17

Jon

Right? Like the thing that scares me most and I do think I mentioned this often is if I don't die swiftly and I'm on my death bed in the version of myself that I could have become walks up to me.


09;48;20;29 - 09;48;06;21

Jon

How different is that going to be? Because what I don't want to do is have that person come up in like shame? Look how far you've failed to not come like, yeah, I want to be better than that, Goggins said.


09;48;06;21 - 09;47;54;01

Aaron

That like this, I know you and I, you just finished it and we're going through. Can't hurt me right now and great book and not a not a light read. It's it's it gets pretty gritty, which we appreciate.


09;47;53;21 - 09;47;40;18

Aaron

But he says in in the I would call the podcast section of the Audible, which I love that when they're just talking back and forth, he says, there's so many men out there that don't realize there's a version inside of them.


09;47;40;18 - 09;47;23;15

Aaron

That's that is there and it could be born in. Goggins points to, you know, his 175 pound versus £350 self that he was born out of his is the same guy as is this guy came out of that guy and in so many men are not realizing their true potential.


09;47;23;03 - 09;47;21;04

Aaron

Yeah, and women both, obviously. But yeah.


09;47;20;14 - 09;47;09;18

Jon

You had to be off because I was going to say people for sure, because it's it's so universal. Yeah. And yeah, Goggins did a beautiful job and just a quick note on can't hurt me. I was expecting like someone recommended.


09;47;09;18 - 09;47;03;27

Jon

I read the book and I was like, I listened to it on Audible and I was totally expecting the drill sergeant.


09;47;03;26 - 09;47;03;15

Aaron

Yeah.


09;47;03;05 - 09;47;00;22

Jon

Stay hardy, you know, shirtless study hard.


09;46;59;15 - 09;46;56;19


It's like it's going to carry the boat. Yeah, who's going to carry the boat?


09;46;56;11 - 09;46;45;14

Jon

3:00 a.m. Rubbing razor blades on his face type of motivation like motivational book. It's not a motivational book. In fact, by the end of the first chapter, I was like, You have more than my attention.


09;46;44;26 - 09;46;44;13

Jon

Because.


09;46;43;27 - 09;46;39;12

Jon

Just the first chapter had so much more depth and intrigue and intellect.


09;46;38;18 - 09;46;29;13

Aaron

Yeah, he did his part. Yeah, he says this isn't motivation. He hates motivation. His motivations fleeting. Yeah. Make choices. He resolve.


09;46;28;28 - 09;46;19;27

Jon

He wants to drive an obsession. But yeah, the thing I just want to highlight is I was not going to read the book because I undersold it based on the YouTube clips in the.


09;46;19;21 - 09;46;19;06

Jon

Right place.


09;46;18;21 - 09;46;17;15

Jon

As like, OK, that's his flavor.


09;46;17;13 - 09;46;16;01

Aaron

The marketing stuff. Yeah, sure.


09;46;16;01 - 09;46;15;09

Aaron

Yeah, yeah.


09;46;15;01 - 09;45;59;07

Jon

And I'm so grateful I listened to the recommendation to do it because it was a raw insight for. Holding up of the Mirror to look into your own soul and say, Where am I, where am I going? You know, there's a lot of insight in it, so I highly recommend it.


09;45;59;01 - 09;45;45;26

Aaron

Yes, it goes. I think it goes hand in glove as we as we're talking about contracts with yourself. Yeah, that that's that's a he's really getting after. It's like, you've got to look hard and be like, do not lie to yourself about any.


09;45;45;26 - 09;45;31;27

Aaron

If you don't like something that you're seeing, there's something you're thinking or the path you're on and where you think you might be going. Like, hate that. I get really mad at yourself like that. I'm not. I don't like this, and I don't like it enough that I want to do something about it.


09;45;31;03 - 09;45;15;06

Aaron

And now, if I if I have lied to myself all these years, or if I've shown I'm going to start something and I'm going to stop it. Let's start. Let's stop that crazy cycle today and and do something I can repeat and get that weak version of myself a little bit stronger.


09;45;15;06 - 09;45;01;14

Aaron

And it doesn't have to be the ideal like, you know, the the 175 pound Goggins. That was a long journey for him, right? But but it started with, Hey, I'm going to I'm going to change this routine and I'm going to add to this.


09;45;01;14 - 09;44;54;28

Aaron

And then what's crazy is once you get to those levels, then you're like, Give me more, give me more. What else can I do? What else can I do?


09;44;54;09 - 09;44;46;21

Jon

I love these is one of the things I was thinking about is there's this weird paradox of like, the more that I'm doing, the more I feel like I'm capable of doing.


09;44;46;21 - 09;44;46;09

Aaron

Yes.


09;44;46;03 - 09;44;45;12

Jon

And I think.


09;44;45;12 - 09;44;44;24

Aaron

And you are.


09;44;44;03 - 09;44;28;18

Jon

Well, that's true. The tension is so much higher than I thought. But the other aspect, too, is, I think going back to the art of learning to say no, it's that I'm at the same time that I'm becoming more capable of accomplishing more, doing more.


09;44;28;05 - 09;44;10;01

Jon

I'm also at the same time, learning how to say no to more. Yeah. So all these things I did not even realize were robbing me and distracting my mind and making me feel frazzled or spent. I've been not just shaving off or clanking off, and just now I'm realizing, unlike one of the reasons I'm able to say


09;44;10;01 - 09;43;54;09

Jon

yes to so much like the way I'm able to invest so heavily into these things is because of the thousand things I've cut off, either in my own mind as like mentor thought loops or actions.


09;43;53;19 - 09;43;34;03

Aaron

And that's that's great. Yeah, I was. Yeah, like, it's sort of like you're just doing higher quality nodes and higher quality. Yes. Mm hmm. Because I would say even when you're stuck. Let's say you're in a yes cycle of things, saying yes to things, and I'm not talking about these commitments, I'm talking about things that, like our


09;43;34;03 - 09;43;19;17

Aaron

bad habits, are bad, bad routines, whatever in your life. And you're saying yes to those things, and you wouldn't even think to say yes to actually higher quality things because you're too weak to do it. So you're saying no to the good stuff.


09;43;18;24 - 09;42;58;06

Aaron

Yes, to the bad stuff. Then as you're saying yes to the good things and no to the bad things. Now, when you have opportunities that are actually high quality, yes, like, let's say, for example. You wouldn't you would have never joined a 5:00 a.m. jogging club, but but you've been on this journey to really attack your physical being


09;42;58;06 - 09;42;47;17

Aaron

and you really want to get that straight. It's not about your body, it's about like I can't to get my mind straight. I got a I got to get healthy again and somebody says, Hey, let's do this. You would never I mean, fat, lazy.


09;42;47;17 - 09;42;39;02

Aaron

You would have said no to that. But but this person who's on this new journey, wow. I would have never thought I could do that. But I'm going to say yes to this, and that sounds hard and difficult.


09;42;39;02 - 09;42;25;23

Aaron

But I if I did this like, as you say, it looks like there's more. I'm capable. Maybe I can do this. That's a small example, but I think you've probably seen a lot of doors open in the business world.


09;42;25;23 - 09;42;19;11

Aaron

Relationships, I know. Certainly, we've seen that as we go on the journey with good, yes, good mission that we're trying to accomplish.


09;42;18;23 - 09;42;02;20

Jon

Yeah, absolutely. And there's kind of like this perversion where every answer is yes or no, right? So it's just which 1:00 a.m. I going to give power to? Because if if we say yes to a guest on the podcast or saying no to someone else and just holler, we're scheduled through October.


09;42;02;16 - 09;42;01;18

Aaron

Kind of fun. Oh yeah.


09;42;00;09 - 09;41;52;02

Jon

But it's the same thing. If I say yes to waking up at 4:15, I'm saying no to sleeping in. Mm hmm. And so there's kind of this like cool.


09;41;51;17 - 09;41;51;01

Aaron

Uh.


09;41;49;24 - 09;41;42;06

Jon

You're shifting the volume from one to the other. And one of the things I was thinking about is like, what if you don't know what to say no to? What if you don't know the things you should say yes to?


09;41;41;17 - 09;41;21;28

Jon

And as like, I think that's something you can do if you don't know what to say yes or no to say yes and then pay close attention because you will learn quickly because you will begrudge it. Pay attention to your thought process, their attention to what you're feeling and pay attention to why you're why you're responding that


09;41;21;28 - 09;41;10;14

Jon

way. Right? Because maybe you don't mind the six hours of driving, but you hate being at the event, right? Or you just don't like it. Maybe you love the event, but you hate the six hours of driving whatever.


09;41;10;14 - 09;41;00;28

Jon

Maybe you don't like waking up early because it sucks for a few minutes, right? But then you love how you feel after whatever, as you say yes to the things that you want to experience to learn what you ought to say no.


09;41;00;28 - 09;40;56;05

Jon

To just start setting up their filtration process, your mind and body will tell you it will.


09;40;55;26 - 09;40;44;04

Aaron

And I'll say there's in. Here's the confusing part of that, though the one. There's one side that says that will tell you this is not really a value and you're doing this anyway. Like kind of your heart speak.


09;40;43;03 - 09;40;34;20

Aaron

But then there's also fear, like what if you said yes, think it's actually good, like you got to meet your gym partner at 5:00 a.m. You said you're going to start this journey and they said they're going to do it.


09;40;34;03 - 09;40;19;01

Aaron

For example, I'm just being total hypothetical because I was late this morning, but you you said you're going to do that thing and and maybe when you're early on the journey that causes great anxiety, like I'm not good at the gym.


09;40;19;01 - 09;39;59;26

Aaron

Why did I say yes to this or I'm not? I'm not qualified to do whatever. Don't let that be a teller of what's good or bad, either. Like sometimes that's like, that's a that's like that's like the mental voice that the weak version of you that's working against you quick and your results stay to it.


09;39;59;18 - 09;39;53;13

Aaron

But then, like you said, I think you also need to check your heart, too, if it's if it's telling, you know.


09;39;51;25 - 09;39;37;01

Jon

Well, yeah, that's a great balance, right? By no means is discomfort in something that's making it better a reason to to not do it right. I bet that's the definitive one off. I was more thinking like, this does not there's not value added.


09;39;37;01 - 09;39;20;16

Jon

I don't believe that this is enhancing anything, you know, like for me, it's largely social events. I'm saying no to like group settings, things like that, but I'm not that I know. I don't have interest in being engaged in.


09;39;19;26 - 09;39;05;17

Jon

And could there be value in like pushing my ability to interact with people on certain levels and try different things? Yes, but that's not one of my priorities right now, and I don't want to do that. So I'm pushing in different areas, right my body to be more relational and stuff.


09;39;05;06 - 09;38;50;03

Jon

But it's really just for taking the time. Like, No, I don't want to spend 48 hours at an evening event with a bunch of people I don't know because everyone thinks that's fun. I'd rather spend that four hours with my wife or my kids, or focusing on building something or anything else.


09;38;50;01 - 09;38;47;01

Aaron

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So saying no.


09;38;47;01 - 09;38;41;07

Aaron

You may not say exactly that way, but I'd rather be anywhere but there. Yeah, and love you, bro.


09;38;40;27 - 09;38;30;03

Jon

And I know when I go, it's like, Oh, I do love that guy, but I hate being here. I don't like this. Why am I here? And if I can't answer that question, guess what? Now I know that next time I'll say no.


09;38;30;01 - 09;38;27;10


That's right. Which is good.


09;38;26;01 - 09;38;21;29

Aaron

Yeah, I want to smile the next time I see you. So no, I'm not going to do that.


09;38;21;11 - 09;38;17;04

Jon

Well, it's crazy because it does change the relationship. It does. Yeah, right?


09;38;16;11 - 09;38;03;20

Aaron

You find yourself avoiding people because of your own stupid yeses. Yeah. Like, why don't you just have? Why don't you just be honest from the get go and then you don't don't sever that relationship?


09;38;02;27 - 09;37;49;12

Jon

Absolutely. And I'm just thinking like, what's the what are some of the easiest, like, genuinely easiest, lowest barrier to entry ways that you could start the filtration process? And there is an assumption with it if it's to work right?


09;37;48;26 - 09;37;39;07

Jon

But let's say you want to read more or learn something. And you are having difficulty prioritizing time because I don't believe that you don't have to.


09;37;39;05 - 09;37;35;27

Aaron

This is going to go right into our third topic. So you're doing your tennis up.


09;37;35;27 - 09;37;35;10