Today we met with Deb "The Debinator" Loewen. Our conversation explored her journey through motherhood and her 15 years of battling 3 separate rounds of cancer. Through the discussion we learn why her two favorite mantra's ("Just Today" & "Not Your Story") are powerful, and how they can apply to you. Highlights include: - How holding onto a good thing can spoil it. - When "Vision Casting", start with you. - The journey through parenthood. - The journey through not 1, not 2, but 3 forms of cancer. - Continuing to live fully, despite tragedy. - Declaring, "I Will Not Die!" - Communicating through the challenge. - Living for more than yourself. - Embodying death. Engaging those in tragedy - How normalcy can be medicinal. - No escape from reality, it must be faced. - Refusing to give into fear. - Be careful what you choose to accept about yourself. - Finding resolve when exhausted, tired & fatigued. - Just be there. - Choose carefully when to freak out. - Do something good. Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT!

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09;02;54;07 - 09;02;52;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I said, I just need you to shut up.

09;02;52;10 - 09;02;49;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

If anything, I just need you to go, you don't want babe. And so sorry, that sucks.

09;02;48;29 - 09;02;46;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because you know what it really does, because I'm thinking I.

09;02;46;28 - 09;02;45;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Had three and I got 25.

09;02;44;05 - 09;02;38;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm not handling that really well right now. And this is like, OK.

09;02;37;00 - 09;02;26;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Back for the shuttle. So there's likely to be like, are you going to go, I am going to be fine, but right now I am not OK. And you just need to let me process through this so that.

09;02;26;17 - 09;02;24;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I can be OK.

09;02;24;25 - 09;02;23;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And you know that I'm OK, but right.

09;02;23;09 - 09;02;19;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Now I am not OK with this. I am really having.

09;02;19;14 - 09;02;18;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

A hard time.

09;02;18;14 - 09;02;12;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because I got it. So take a couple of days and I'm like, I haven't lost my mind.

09;02;12;18 - 09;02;11;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I haven't lost my faith.

09;02;11;00 - 09;02;10;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I haven't, you know.

09;02;10;02 - 09;02;03;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Stop believing that everything is going to be OK. So just to make you feel better. You know, I haven't like.

09;02;03;09 - 09;02;02;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Fallen off the deep End.

09;02;01;29 - 09;02;01;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Said.

09;02;01;16 - 09;02;00;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But I'm still trying.

09;02;00;14 - 09;01;58;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I got to figure this out because.

09;01;58;13 - 09;01;56;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

This was not the game plan. It's like an.

09;01;56;11 - 09;01;55;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Angry.

09;01;55;23 - 09;01;53;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes. Oh, I got so angry.

09;01;52;21 - 09;01;51;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So angry, you guys.

09;01;50;21 - 09;01;48;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We can be simple creatures that want to fix it really quick.

09;01;47;22 - 09;01;45;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes, I know. You know.

09;01;45;22 - 09;01;41;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I mean, it's just to change your mind about everything right now, and then I'll be more comfortable for.

09;01;41;03 - 09;01;38;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All of us. Right? Yeah, because.

09;01;38;24 - 09;01;35;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We don't like the uncomfortability of it.

09;01;34;28 - 09;01;34;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We don't.

09;01;34;00 - 09;01;32;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I really believe that's a human thing.

09;01;32;10 - 09;01;32;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It.

09;01;30;21 - 09;01;11;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All right. You know, there's a lot of things that I think we see cleaner examples from guys, but it's human. Like when he walks, he tries to, you know, it's when you eat it, whether it's two ABC guys, it's really, in my opinion, you're both on the go to an experience like if you try as she is

09;01;10;15 - 09;01;09;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

trying on for infection.

09;01;09;10 - 09;01;08;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes.

09;01;08;18 - 09;00;49;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And really, you just need someone to go through the storm with you. Go through the fight with you. Yes, I've heard this really cool quote. I can't remember who it's from some speaker. But. It's a day when I'm going through winter and you're in spring, don't bring your sunshine to me right now, is this really interesting?

09;00;48;20 - 09;00;38;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Like if I'm going through hell, come sit with me, walk with me, with me. But I don't need your sunshine in perspective because you're in a good season right now. I need it. Don't want it right away with me.

09;00;37;26 - 09;00;20;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah. And I've had the opportunity, right? Obviously, they deal with not to be having this, OK? I've had the opportunity to walk through some pretty dark times with some people, and I wish I had learned that earlier because I would have been a better service to the people, right?

09;00;20;18 - 09;00;03;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Instead of trying to get, well, this is how we can get through it and we'll figure it out. I better help them. And that's become painstakingly aware. As time has gone on, what has been appreciated and what does seem to actually move the needle significantly is just showing up and just doing something.

09;00;02;27 - 10;59;51;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Let it being content to talk about it. We can focus on something else. You know, when that's I help clean up your house or we do the workout or go for a walk or we just eat a meal together, it doesn't.

10;59;51;01 - 10;59;35;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It's irrelevant because the fight in the power is in the individual and there's nothing anyone can do to ultimately affect or change that. So it's just a matter of allowing enough weight to lift just long enough for the person to get a single breath.

10;59;35;20 - 10;59;33;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes, and that can change everything.

10;59;33;22 - 10;59;31;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

10;59;30;20 - 10;59;29;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But have you did a really good job.

10;59;28;10 - 10;59;24;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Later after we got through that debacle?

10;59;24;17 - 10;59;10;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, he's never gone through, you know? You know, in all fairness, all everybody. He's never had to walk this kind of journey before. This is all learning on the job, right? Right. Yeah. And you have to think to be verbally processing his own freak out.

10;59;10;26 - 10;59;10;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah.

10;59;10;11 - 10;59;10;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh.

10;59;09;20 - 10;59;04;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Here we go again. Yeah, OK. We can get through this. This is probably for him. As much as.

10;59;03;03 - 10;59;01;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We have done this before, we.

10;59;01;17 - 10;59;00;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Could do it again.

10;59;00;03 - 10;58;58;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Right, exactly.

10;58;58;03 - 10;58;54;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And and interestingly enough, it ended up.

10;58;54;17 - 10;58;50;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Being 35 rounds of radiation instead of 25.

10;58;49;15 - 10;58;39;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And it was every morning for seven weeks, 5:00 a.m. So I get up at 5:00 a.m. and my hubby would come with me.

10;58;39;26 - 10;58;38;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

He'd drive me.

10;58;37;27 - 10;58;37;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

To.

10;58;37;23 - 10;58;36;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Radiation and.

10;58;35;17 - 10;58;34;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I get my radiation.

10;58;34;01 - 10;58;33;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And then I said work.

10;58;32;19 - 10;58;17;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And kept working. It wasn't until about week six. I'm there doing the radiation, and my technician was like asking me some questions. You know, we're just checking because, you know, now we're on a first name basis, like every day.

10;58;16;24 - 10;58;14;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah. And so he's like.

10;58;14;00 - 10;58;09;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So what are you doing? Well, I worked for my brother, you know, he's an attorney and he's like.

10;58;08;29 - 10;58;07;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So are you still working?

10;58;07;25 - 10;58;06;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh yeah, I'm sorry.

10;58;06;13 - 10;58;04;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You're still working. I go.

10;58;04;15 - 10;57;54;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And then I'm like, We're not supposed to be working this. Or is there like a thing that you're only supposed to work and you're not supposed to work? You know, nobody gave me that memo. And he's like.

10;57;54;07 - 10;57;53;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Okay, yeah.

10;57;53;14 - 10;57;52;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And he's like.

10;57;52;04 - 10;57;49;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Well, how do you feel to go find me.

10;57;48;20 - 10;57;46;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And going to work and give me.

10;57;46;07 - 10;57;43;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Work done and like, go home? I might be a little tired and.

10;57;42;23 - 10;57;42;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know?

10;57;41;28 - 10;57;37;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And he's like, Wow! And they go, OK, I'm confused.

10;57;37;26 - 10;57;37;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And he said.

10;57;37;00 - 10;57;35;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Debbie, he goes, I don't know anybody.

10;57;35;20 - 10;57;34;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Who goes through radiation and keeps working.

10;57;33;08 - 10;57;32;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know? Well.

10;57;32;01 - 10;57;30;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because yeah, usually within the.

10;57;30;21 - 10;57;29;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

second week of radiation.

10;57;28;28 - 10;57;27;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

He goes, because it takes.

10;57;27;20 - 10;57;17;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Such a toll on your body. He goes, You're so exhausted and so tired. He goes, I don't know people who continue working. I'm surprised that you were still working because this was like weeks six.

10;57;16;29 - 10;57;12;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We went, Wow, I didn't know that cause there was a part of me later.

10;57;12;18 - 10;57;06;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm like, Wow, I kind of like not work this holiday time. They were just fabulous. But I don't think that was all.

10;57;05;27 - 10;57;05;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I ever had.

10;57;01;08 - 10;57;00;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But at the same time, I.

10;57;00;16 - 10;56;58;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Don't think that would have been the best thing for me, though.

10;56;57;21 - 10;56;47;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because it was that point of every day. It's like my hubby and I. We would come up with the same. And then when I couldn't say.

10;56;47;29 - 10;56;45;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It, he'd say it. For me, he's like, Just today.

10;56;44;18 - 10;56;44;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Just today.

10;56;43;04 - 10;56;42;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We're just doing today.

10;56;41;11 - 10;56;35;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We're just we're just getting up right now. We're just doing radiation today. In fact, we had a calendar that.

10;56;35;20 - 10;56;33;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We would like mark off because they give us the calendar.

10;56;33;01 - 10;56;29;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And he goes to look at the end of days he goes into just.

10;56;29;23 - 10;56;25;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Today. All we're doing is just like, OK, just a day or just doing today.

10;56;24;15 - 10;56;08;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

That mindset has proven useful in so many hard, hard things. You hear that all the time. So for people who survived and gone through trials, it's just just the next 60 seconds. Yes, right? Like, sometimes it's so bad.

10;56;08;15 - 10;55;50;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I just need to make one more step. Yeah, over and over and over again, like you hear that from strangers at the time, death march and literally just one. And then another step, one more minute. You know, sometimes it has to be broken down that small.

10;55;50;14 - 10;55;37;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But it's interesting because listening to you, I realize that it's kind of an evolution through maturation of your statement, not your story. It started as a battle cry of hope, you know? No, I will not accept this year.

10;55;37;12 - 10;55;26;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I will not accept. It's not my story. Mommy's not going to die right there. Yeah, mine is not going to die you to. It's not my story. But over the years, because the years now, it's not my story.

10;55;26;10 - 10;55;11;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It pounds into such a part of your being or you're not even looking around to see what other people do in your situation. Zach has gone on six weeks in working in social to work. Oh, I'm still looking to others as a guidepost of what I should be doing under these circumstances.

10;55;11;11 - 10;54;52;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It seems right to me. Yes. And there's a free community and maturity to that. There's a lot of the concepts. It's come to fall. It's grown up right. The idea went from like, OK, it's keeping me going to pay attention to the stories around me and allowing that to dilute what I ought to do.

10;54;51;24 - 10;54;40;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you know, maybe not getting in so late trying this to cheat by looking into a crystal ball for the future, like, where is this going to go and what is the end of my story?

10;54;40;15 - 10;54;32;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I could feel better now. Right? It's like now I'm just going to go to the judge of today. Like today is all that matters right now. Exactly. I want to do this well.

10;54;32;21 - 10;54;31;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes. I don't know.

10;54;31;10 - 10;54;27;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What tomorrow is right. Could be good. Could be bad. But either way, does that help me right now?

10;54;26;26 - 10;54;23;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Right. Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

10;54;22;23 - 10;54;19;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And even when I got to the end, I just know where.

10;54;19;16 - 10;54;17;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Radiologist he's a when he goes to study.

10;54;16;20 - 10;54;12;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm I'm amazed because I'm amazed that he goes, I give it.

10;54;11;23 - 10;54;10;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because, like even jiggle around.

10;54;09;28 - 10;54;02;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

He said. Because you were doing so good when you hit 20. He goes, I'm going to like, Keep going because I.

10;54;02;04 - 10;54;01;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Want this thing gone.

10;54;00;20 - 10;53;59;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And I go.

10;53;59;13 - 10;53;57;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK, now I've been selling that.

10;53;57;04 - 10;53;53;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But at the same time, a lot of he did it because then I would have been offered.

10;53;53;21 - 10;53;53;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

An end date.

10;53;52;21 - 10;53;50;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Even though I don't know really what's going to happen.

10;53;50;05 - 10;53;47;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, you really don't. And so I.

10;53;47;00 - 10;53;44;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, there is a part of me is like, Oh, did you give me that money?

10;53;44;03 - 10;53;42;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because if it were effective.

10;53;42;04 - 10;53;38;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because I wasn't really, I mean, I was tired. There were definitely side effects.

10;53;38;12 - 10;53;36;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I had a lot of side effects from it.

10;53;36;16 - 10;53;34;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So to say that I went through with flying.

10;53;34;00 - 10;53;33;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Colors would.

10;53;32;25 - 10;53;31;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Not be accurate in any way, shape or.

10;53;31;06 - 10;53;30;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Form.

10;53;30;11 - 10;53;29;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But I guess there was just a part.

10;53;29;00 - 10;53;28;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Of me that was just.

10;53;27;23 - 10;53;22;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I just got to keep going. I just got to keep going. And my radiologist pretty.

10;53;22;08 - 10;53;18;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Much said the same thing. He goes, You are a unique individual, I because.

10;53;17;05 - 10;53;13;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You you kept going and you said.

10;53;13;06 - 10;53;11;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So again, thank you.

10;53;11;04 - 10;53;10;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK.

10;53;09;28 - 10;53;06;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Thanks for talking to me. I know I was like, Oh my goodness.

10;53;06;11 - 10;52;58;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So, yeah, so since then, you know, everything's been good. I'm expecting it to be good.

10;52;57;29 - 10;52;56;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm not expecting in another.

10;52;56;02 - 10;52;52;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

When we get to the other five year point, there's going to be another price.

10;52;52;13 - 10;52;51;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm not expecting it.

10;52;50;16 - 10;52;49;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

To be there.

10;52;49;21 - 10;52;48;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

In any way, shape or form.

10;52;48;10 - 10;52;34;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So how doesn't help to that now? Yeah. Yeah, that's that's that's a word we all need. Yes, I can do that with lots of things that are that are way more trivial than cancer, you know, about in five years.

10;52;34;10 - 10;52;15;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What's this going to be? It's not helpful. Right? Yeah. Really cool quote on that. Exactly. So it's a leadership thought it's it's don't waste leadership capacity on the unknown. You know, it seems like you have to plan for contingencies and there's things you're not going know, obviously, but like if you're building a business or going through a

10;52;15;21 - 10;51;59;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

health plan or doing, you know, raising children or whatever it is, yes, you can barely plan a month out, maybe a year you sleep there. You have no business plan in five years. Aside from my five years, I'd like to generally be further north than I am currently.

10;51;58;05 - 10;51;41;19

Jon, Aaron & Deb

That's it. We'll see how we get there. You know, like, I'm not going to argue details about five years from now. No, that is higher. Universe can change rapidly. So it's like, you know, we say things like, Well, I'm going to worry about today that I'm going to have a news free birthday.

10;51;41;15 - 10;51;40;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Thank you. Right?

10;51;39;06 - 10;51;22;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We'll take it. You're right here in just day by day, minute by minute. Absolutely. My story? Yes, I had two questions that come back to the beginning of this. Yeah. The first is where was the possible resignation? In fact, because I realized that you're you're doing the job that you're currently doing, right?

10;51;22;14 - 10;51;14;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And we started by talking about how like, it was difficult actually. And that kind of, well, you know, you were you're kind of an anxiety about.

10;51;13;26 - 10;51;12;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Well, yeah.

10;51;12;25 - 10;51;10;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Where where is that in the timeline?

10;51;10;18 - 10;51;07;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So interestingly enough, it was.

10;51;07;20 - 10;51;06;19

Jon, Aaron & Deb

2017.

10;51;06;19 - 10;51;05;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Was the year before I.

10;51;04;25 - 10;51;04;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Came out with.

10;51;03;29 - 10;51;03;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Cancer.

10;51;02;24 - 10;51;01;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Was when I was like.

10;51;01;21 - 10;50;55;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I am not the person for this job. This was the year before, and then a year later, it was like, boom.

10;50;54;27 - 10;50;42;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What a resume builder. Right? OK. Doesn't quit in failure. What's your let's test this. Thank you for asking that question. That's a good question. Yeah.

10;50;41;13 - 10;50;40;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But see.

10;50;40;13 - 10;50;34;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You had no idea. You know, you hear that the job, it's hard not to go through that weekend of anguish and.

10;50;33;11 - 10;50;32;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah.

10;50;32;19 - 10;50;22;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And then the second is, what did this do for your husband, your daughters and you as a family going through all that one?

10;50;22;21 - 10;50;21;19

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I think it definitely.

10;50;21;18 - 10;50;17;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Brought us really close together. We are very, very close.

10;50;17;07 - 10;50;16;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

There's a word that I've.

10;50;16;10 - 10;50;08;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Used there since they were little. They call us Ohana. And if you received Lelo instead of just like, you know, they use that word family.

10;50;07;20 - 10;50;04;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It means family. No one gets left behind.

10;50;04;08 - 10;50;03;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And no one is forgotten.

10;50;02;15 - 10;49;59;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And so Ohana is just.

10;49;59;01 - 10;49;56;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

An incredibly powerful word that.

10;49;54;12 - 10;49;53;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Basically encompasses.

10;49;53;12 - 10;49;51;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What our family is, we are very, very.

10;49;51;21 - 10;49;45;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Close. What did that do? What do you think that led to your daughters now as they go out in the world? It's going to sound challenges, right?

10;49;44;28 - 10;49;35;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know what? I think I look at them and. And I am just I not only am I proud, but I am.

10;49;35;28 - 10;49;34;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Just amazed at the things that they do.

10;49;33;20 - 10;49;30;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And the things that they are stepping into.

10;49;30;12 - 10;49;28;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

In the adventures that they are.

10;49;28;11 - 10;49;11;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Wanting to accomplish. And one of the things that I keep looking at them, they're like, You know what? What do what do you think of them like? I think you should do it. I think, yes, absolutely. Which is really kind of will I also look at cancer?

10;49;11;24 - 10;49;09;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because one of the big questions I think you asked at the.

10;49;09;02 - 10;49;03;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Beginning was, you know, did it change? Can you transform? I mean, make you to.

10;49;03;21 - 10;49;02;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Be the person that you are now?

10;49;01;26 - 10;48;59;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Absolutely. I would never, ever.

10;48;59;05 - 10;48;53;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Wish cancer on my worst enemy. I just wouldn't, because it's brutal and it's difficult. It's hard.

10;48;51;26 - 10;48;50;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But I wouldn't change.

10;48;50;28 - 10;48;49;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

My experience in the world.

10;48;49;03 - 10;48;48;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because it.

10;48;48;20 - 10;48;47;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Really, truly has.

10;48;46;20 - 10;48;45;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Caused me to be.

10;48;45;27 - 10;48;44;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

The person that I am now.

10;48;42;22 - 10;48;40;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Before cancer. I would say I was definitely a.

10;48;40;03 - 10;48;35;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Person who I lived by the rules. The rules were my friends because they kept me safe.

10;48;35;04 - 10;48;34;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because there was a lot.

10;48;34;07 - 10;48;32;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Of fear in my life.

10;48;32;04 - 10;48;27;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And cancer brought about a circumstance and an.