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13. Just Today _ Deb Loewen _ Part 3

Updated: Nov 15, 2021


 

Today we met with Deb "The Debinator" Loewen. Our conversation explored her journey through motherhood and her 15 years of battling 3 separate rounds of cancer. Through the discussion we learn why her two favorite mantra's ("Just Today" & "Not Your Story") are powerful, and how they can apply to you. Highlights include: - How holding onto a good thing can spoil it. - When "Vision Casting", start with you. - The journey through parenthood. - The journey through not 1, not 2, but 3 forms of cancer. - Continuing to live fully, despite tragedy. - Declaring, "I Will Not Die!" - Communicating through the challenge. - Living for more than yourself. - Embodying death. Engaging those in tragedy - How normalcy can be medicinal. - No escape from reality, it must be faced. - Refusing to give into fear. - Be careful what you choose to accept about yourself. - Finding resolve when exhausted, tired & fatigued. - Just be there. - Choose carefully when to freak out. - Do something good. Did you find value in today’s conversation? SHARE IT!

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09;22;09;12 - 09;22;08;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I couldn't even be.


09;22;08;24 - 09;22;08;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

With the girls.


09;22;08;01 - 09;22;06;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So, you know, with me in my.


09;22;06;01 - 09;22;05;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Room, with my.


09;22;05;00 - 09;22;02;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Clorox lives and my air purifier.


09;22;02;27 - 09;22;02;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And they.


09;22;02;09 - 09;22;01;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Could wave to me from.


09;22;01;10 - 09;22;00;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

The door and.


09;22;00;13 - 09;21;59;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Kind of go.


09;21;59;25 - 09;21;58;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Hey, mom.


09;21;56;21 - 09;21;51;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, we're really badly. And so on the times that I.


09;21;51;29 - 09;21;50;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Was able to be with them, I remember.


09;21;50;05 - 09;21;48;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Going to talking and being able.


09;21;48;18 - 09;21;48;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

To take them to a.


09;21;48;03 - 09;21;42;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Practice. one time it was outside, so it was one of my good weeks. My immune system was.


09;21;42;09 - 09;21;42;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Up.


09;21;41;18 - 09;21;38;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And I was. There's a couple of other.


09;21;38;21 - 09;21;37;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Moms on the deck of the pool that.


09;21;36;23 - 09;21;31;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, I kind of set, you know, apart, not because I didn't want, but the whole thing.


09;21;31;06 - 09;21;28;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh yeah. Well, my family survived this.


09;21;27;22 - 09;21;27;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And.


09;21;26;16 - 09;21;26;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm.


09;21;25;19 - 09;21;24;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Just sitting there with.


09;21;24;14 - 09;21;22;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All the girls are almost kind of smiling as the practice.


09;21;21;19 - 09;21;18;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And all of a sudden all of these things are going.


09;21;18;11 - 09;21;17;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Through my head.


09;21;17;05 - 09;21;14;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And their coach.


09;21;14;15 - 09;21;11;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Had her mom had lost, she had lost her mom.


09;21;09;19 - 09;21;09;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

With breast.


09;21;09;01 - 09;21;08;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Cancer.


09;21;08;08 - 09;21;07;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And there.


09;21;06;25 - 09;21;06;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Were four of.


09;21;06;03 - 09;21;04;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Her. I mean, she had three sisters.


09;21;04;13 - 09;21;03;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So their four daughters.


09;21;03;03 - 09;21;02;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So you know the.


09;21;02;16 - 09;21;01;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Voices in your head, it's like, Well.


09;21;00;09 - 09;20;57;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Look, I coach Karen. She lost her mom.


09;20;57;03 - 09;20;54;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And their four daughters, and I'm like.


09;20;53;14 - 09;20;52;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK.


09;20;52;16 - 09;20;52;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Well, and.


09;20;51;20 - 09;20;49;19

Jon, Aaron & Deb

We are the friends. You know, she went through.


09;20;49;19 - 09;20;49;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Chemo.


09;20;48;26 - 09;20;48;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And she did.


09;20;47;29 - 09;20;46;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All the stuff and.


09;20;46;14 - 09;20;45;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, she only lasted.


09;20;45;00 - 09;20;43;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Another three years.


09;20;42;27 - 09;20;40;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All of a sudden, all of these things during the time that I.


09;20;40;05 - 09;20;36;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Was going through cancer, several other people that we knew about that.


09;20;36;18 - 09;20;27;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Were battling cancer and they lost the fight. And all of them are going through my head, going through my head.


09;20;27;08 - 09;20;26;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What makes you different?


09;20;25;19 - 09;20;21;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh yes. Yeah. It's like, you know, you got the same thing.


09;20;21;25 - 09;20;20;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It's like, What makes you think you're going to come.


09;20;20;13 - 09;20;14;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Out of this life? I was like, No way, this is it. This is how it's going to go and fighting, you.


09;20;14;29 - 09;20;12;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Know, trying to find all of the little nuggets.


09;20;12;28 - 09;20;12;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Of things. It's like.


09;20;11;24 - 09;20;07;09

Jon, Aaron & Deb

No, I am not going to give into fear. I eat trying to do all of those.


09;20;07;08 - 09;20;05;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Things, quote all of those.


09;20;05;06 - 09;19;58;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Verses that I know and and nothing is working. I mean, the battle inside.


09;19;58;03 - 09;19;57;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Me.


09;19;57;14 - 09;19;56;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I was kept looking at the.


09;19;56;04 - 09;19;55;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Girls going.


09;19;55;14 - 09;19;54;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You cannot get out.


09;19;54;17 - 09;19;53;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Of the pool fast.


09;19;53;24 - 09;19;50;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Enough because mama is not going to lose it here on the deck.


09;19;50;10 - 09;19;47;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

In the pool, I will lose it on the way home.


09;19;46;21 - 09;19;41;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And I mean, it was it was brutal. And like I said, everything I was.


09;19;41;01 - 09;19;40;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Coming up with, it's.


09;19;40;03 - 09;19;34;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Like the battle of my mind was just fierce. It was even just kept.


09;19;34;27 - 09;19;31;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Getting worse and worse and worse. Just more of that's not.


09;19;31;20 - 09;19;29;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because I have gone down. Look at them. Look at them.


09;19;29;03 - 09;19;28;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Look at them.


09;19;27;26 - 09;19;25;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And finally, there was just.


09;19;25;18 - 09;19;19;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

This still small voice that said. Not your story. Mm-Hmm.


09;19;18;11 - 09;19;15;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And I can't even begin to tell you.


09;19;15;15 - 09;19;15;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

How.


09;19;14;09 - 09;19;10;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Like a massive like wave just went.


09;19;09;20 - 09;19;08;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Whoosh.


09;19;08;10 - 09;19;04;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And wiped all of those other voices out. And I would.


09;19;04;11 - 09;19;03;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Not my story.


09;19;02;11 - 09;19;01;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

That's not my.


09;19;01;16 - 09;19;01;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Story.


09;19;00;23 - 09;18;57;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And literally that became my mantra.


09;18;56;23 - 09;18;55;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

For the rest of the time.


09;18;54;29 - 09;18;52;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Not my story, because it comes up all.


09;18;52;12 - 09;18;49;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I mean, there would be other times when they would come out, it's like.


09;18;49;20 - 09;18;46;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And I would go, Not my story. Stop telling me about somebody.


09;18;46;04 - 09;18;44;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Else's story because that's not my.


09;18;43;20 - 09;18;42;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Life. That's not mine.


09;18;41;26 - 09;18;29;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah, that is. I hear that all the time. I think that some people, I think well-meaning people want to impute some story on you and go, Hey, this is what could happen. This is what I think should happen.


09;18;28;19 - 09;18;13;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And you're there. The simple fact is, this is my story. Yeah. And it's only my story, and it's not a derivative of somebody else's. It's not going to be the same as somebody else's. It's mine, right? And you just kept saying that my story, a story.


09;18;13;02 - 09;18;11;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm not going to try to make it something. It's not.


09;18;11;06 - 09;18;09;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Exactly exactly.


09;18;09;20 - 09;18;08;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I'm not going to buy into that.


09;18;08;12 - 09;17;51;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah, yeah. There's a beautiful difference in that. Yeah. And I think about this a lot. You have to be so careful on the identity you're going to choose to accept for yourself and even the small things, right? Like, if you're going through a transition that's going to be rough, you know, to challenge you.


09;17;51;03 - 09;17;36;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You don't say, I'm going to be depressed through this, saying, Oh, I know I'm going to be depressed. I know, right? Yeah. But that that would be the equivalent of you in that moment, say. I'm probably going to die from this, right?


09;17;36;10 - 09;17;22;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

The second you choose to accept that it becomes, it's starts moving towards reality and instead of saying, no, this is my story, that is not my story, this is what I will do. And that will not affect my outcome.


09;17;21;19 - 09;17;09;24

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It's the difference. But this is going to be hard, but I'm going to overcome it. Yes, right. Right. Oh, that challenge. Yeah, I may battle depression, but. I'm going to fight through that challenge and see how to fight and get to the other side of it.


09;17;09;18 - 09;16;50;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And I'm not going to choose to accept these terrible consequences for myself as black women. But right, like what comes will come and overcome it. But that's my story. You know, it will be won over and will not be one of accepting the negative hand in that power of choice, you know?


09;16;50;21 - 09;16;41;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And what's interesting is I kind of hear a change in mentality. At first, the choice of I'm not going anywhere was for your children.


09;16;41;07 - 09;16;40;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes.


09;16;40;20 - 09;16;27;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And then on the deck of the school, I think we're driving home. But in that moment, when you're going through this crisis, it's like by doing this for someone else is no longer enough. We can't go right. Why am I fighting in?


09;16;27;25 - 09;16;11;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

In that moment? It was the peace and truth of you are not condemned to what is around you. You have your own journey to walk through and therefore walk it right in the hole, you know, tied up and not your story is so beautiful and powerful.


09;16;11;18 - 09;15;53;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes. You know, and when you accepted that truth, you know you became free. Yeah. And and and that's the thing that the louder. When you start to battle fear, it gets louder to the point that it will overwhelming right before it breaks.


09;15;53;26 - 09;15;53;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes.


09;15;52;27 - 09;15;32;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And if you can just persevere and not accept it, then whatever a small, simple, unsexy truth comes through in just abolishes all the shouting and lies. Yeah, yeah. As we just walked through that experience, and that is so encouraging because it's like just, you know it.


09;15;32;04 - 09;15;22;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It's it's not gorgeous, right? But it is life giving, trajectory changing and world shifting, you know?


09;15;21;29 - 09;15;21;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes.


09;15;21;05 - 09;15;20;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Absolutely.


09;15;20;15 - 09;15;08;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It's universal. That encouraged me. It's a terror. It's a terrible truth. But the fact that when you're going through something the voices is getting, they're getting louder. Yeah, and they're getting more evil.


09;15;08;16 - 09;15;07;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh yes.


09;15;07;00 - 09;15;00;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

That the old old stuff you've kind of overcome, like I got muscles for, you can't say you can't say that little.


09;15;00;12 - 09;14;59;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Right? It's like.


09;14;59;13 - 09;14;42;28

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh, you know, you look pretty today. And it's like, Oh yeah, I've it, I've already overcome that, right? In some ways, it's hard to get louder with it from within or whatever is happening, but to the point where it's getting really bad, it's like you're you will die and you declare to be right back.


09;14;42;18 - 09;14;36;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

No, it's not my story. Louder as it's getting louder and louder.


09;14;35;27 - 09;14;34;19

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah, absolutely.


09;14;34;16 - 09;14;23;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What's really strong about that is when you heard that, when you heard that and accepted it, not my story, right? That wasn't the end of it. No, that just gave you the truth. Yeah. You continue fighting.


09;14;22;18 - 09;14;16;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yes, because all of the tools of I had up to that point. I mean, they were effective. And then you, you hit that.


09;14;16;23 - 09;14;16;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Point.


09;14;15;29 - 09;14;13;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And then it's like, sorry, none of these tools are.


09;14;13;20 - 09;14;12;19

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Now going to work anymore.


09;14;12;07 - 09;14;07;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But that was the animals that I needed. That was the piece that I needed because from that point on.


09;14;07;16 - 09;14;04;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It's like game over. Yeah, yeah.


09;14;04;21 - 09;13;55;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You can have peace in the storm. Yes, you can smile. Even before you get the good news that cancer's gone or in remission. Right.


09;13;55;12 - 09;13;40;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Exactly. Yeah. And even when because, you know, then there was two more times after that. And even when it came back the second time, it was five years later and I was all excited for them and I met the.


09;13;40;07 - 09;13;38;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

five year point and they're like, OK, so to.


09;13;37;20 - 09;13;36;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

There's an issue and I like about.


09;13;36;02 - 09;13;29;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

The celebration, for sure. And I usually get when I look at my oncologist and when.


09;13;28;15 - 09;13;27;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I met the five.


09;13;27;15 - 09;13;21;11

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Year mark because I know I'm like, I know, but this is like a game changer. This is where it's like and now. And he's like, kind of.


09;13;21;04 - 09;13;19;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Cancel the cake, everybody I know.


09;13;18;08 - 09;13;13;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And now we're going to go back to school. And I went, Oh my goodness, I go, So what does this mean?


09;13;13;04 - 09;13;10;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So I another surgery, so I had to have another major.


09;13;10;10 - 09;13;09;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Surgery.


09;13;08;21 - 09;13;08;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because it was.


09;13;08;05 - 09;13;07;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All contained.


09;13;05;13 - 09;13;02;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It was the same Typekit when no.


09;13;02;24 - 09;12;59;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

You know, it was. So I actually had.


09;12;58;09 - 09;12;57;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Oh.


09;12;56;28 - 09;12;56;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What did they call?


09;12;56;11 - 09;12;55;05

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I had uterine cancer.


09;12;54;21 - 09;12;53;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So because of.


09;12;53;20 - 09;12;50;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

The tamoxifen and I was taking, that is one of the side effects.


09;12;49;23 - 09;12;49;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So one of the side.


09;12;49;01 - 09;12;43;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Effects of it is that you are right. Yeah, right? But the others, but if you don't take them up to.


09;12;42;26 - 09;12;41;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

The other side effect is death.


09;12;40;24 - 09;12;38;17

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So death.


09;12;38;11 - 09;12;37;01

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Another surgery.


09;12;37;01 - 09;12;33;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK? And thinking of us go with another surgery if needed.


09;12;33;17 - 09;12;26;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

But you know, again, they they don't necessarily guarantee it. It's like it might happen is a possibility. Well, I was like.


09;12;26;29 - 09;12;26;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Well.


09;12;26;21 - 09;12;25;02

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Apparently I got the lotto.


09;12;25;02 - 09;12;23;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And got that one.


09;12;23;03 - 09;12;20;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So and then I had to have.


09;12;20;21 - 09;12;19;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

A complete hysterectomy.


09;12;18;14 - 09;12;17;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Because it was still contained and.


09;12;17;03 - 09;12;16;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

It got it.


09;12;16;18 - 09;12;14;07

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Early enough. I didn't have to do.


09;12;14;06 - 09;12;12;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Chemo or radiation.


09;12;12;25 - 09;12;11;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

At the time. Exciting.


09;12;11;17 - 09;12;10;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Yeah. So I was like.


09;12;10;15 - 09;12;08;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK, so it's just a surgery.


09;12;07;29 - 09;12;06;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So I had to go.


09;12;06;25 - 09;12;05;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Get the surgery, which is.


09;12;05;18 - 09;11;53;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Great. But even at the beginning of that, it was just again going, OK, that whole. It's not my story. And just because, you know, we knew that this was a possibility.


09;11;53;21 - 09;11;52;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So we knew that this was.


09;11;52;25 - 09;11;42;18

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Possible as far as the game plan and all of that. But it's like, in fact, my oncologist, he goes, Demi, now that we've done this, we've taken out all of the issues. So now there.


09;11;42;18 - 09;11;35;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Are no issues. We have art and all. We've removed them all. Yes. five years later.


09;11;33;29 - 09;11;33;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Are you right now?


09;11;30;22 - 09;11;27;21

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I yeah. And I.


09;11;27;21 - 09;11;27;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Was actually.


09;11;27;03 - 09;11;22;06

Jon, Aaron & Deb

At the point where I was only seeing my oncologist like every six months, which is fantastic.


09;11;21;21 - 09;11;15;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And so I said, OK, so weird kind of thing that, you know.


09;11;15;14 - 09;11;14;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

I've got some.


09;11;14;10 - 09;11;09;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Spotting going on and I'm thinking I got no equipment to like because so.


09;11;09;13 - 09;11;08;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

What's happening is I.


09;11;08;01 - 09;11;06;23

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Need you to go.


09;11;06;23 - 09;11;06;08

Jon, Aaron & Deb

See.


09;11;05;13 - 09;11;02;10

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Your ob gyn, right? Got it. So he's like.


09;11;02;00 - 09;11;00;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

This and you just. Unless it does.


09;11;00;06 - 09;10;58;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Just look like, you know, there might be.


09;10;58;25 - 09;10;57;15

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Some lesions or something, I'm like.


09;10;57;15 - 09;10;55;26

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK, so it wasn't a and I'm like.


09;10;55;26 - 09;10;55;00

Jon, Aaron & Deb

All right, because, you know.


09;10;54;21 - 09;10;52;12

Jon, Aaron & Deb

There's been a lot happening with my body like.


09;10;52;10 - 09;10;50;27

Jon, Aaron & Deb

OK, no big deal told the.


09;10;50;27 - 09;10;48;20

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Girls, I go, I'm not worried. I am not.


09;10;48;20 - 09;10;45;22

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Concerned. So I went and saw.


09;10;44;28 - 09;10;44;16

Jon, Aaron & Deb

My.


09;10;44;10 - 09;10;42;25

Jon, Aaron & Deb

New oncologist now.


09;10;42;18 - 09;10;40;03

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And so this was in 2018.


09;10;39;22 - 09;10;38;04

Jon, Aaron & Deb

So this is just a few years ago.


09;10;37;15 - 09;10;32;29

Jon, Aaron & Deb

And so he asked me a bunch of questions. I was still.


09;10;32;29 - 09;10;31;13

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Taking tamoxifen, and he's like, Why are you.


09;10;31;13 - 09;10;30;14

Jon, Aaron & Deb

Still doing that?